A New Sensei
by shadie kid
Summary: So update?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own naruto.

In the village of konoha there were many inhabitants one in particular his name is Naruto Uzumaki.

He is known as a prankster who wears an orange jumpsuit. He has unruly blonde hair and sky blue eyes with there whisker marks on his cheeks. To the older generation he is known as the container of the kyuubi no kitsune. But to even more he is known as the kyuubi itself these people are the civilians of the village while there are some shinobi who believe this there aren't as many civilians.

But that's not important right now for this blonde boy was currently going to a training ground to well train.

"Damn ero-sennin he's to busy peeping on girls to even give me more training" naruto said to himself walking towards his most preferred training ground.

Only for someone else to be there.

"Hey what are you doing here" naruto asked the person.

"Well I do believe I am drawing what might you be doing" he asked back.

"Were on a training ground I'm here to train" naruto said back as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Well then I see no reason as to why you can't train with me here drawing" he said turning back to look at naruto.

From what naruto could see it was a boy who was at the most 14 who had brown hair that seemed to be pointing in every direction. He had green eyes that receded to a lighter green the farther from the pupil the green was except for a small part at the bottom that had an orange half circle there. He was wearing a basic black jacket that didn't stand out at all along with black cargo pants. But something that wasn't black on his outfit was the konoha headband that marked ninjas as being a ninja tied to his left bicep.

"What's your name" naruto asked.

"Hm I do believe it to be Jan what's yours" the now introduced Jan said.

"My name is Naruto Uzumaki" naruto said.

"Well then naruto you appear to be a ninja so why don't we have a friendly spar" Jan said.

"Alright but be ready to lose" naruto said.

"Excellent" Jan said putting his note pad and pencil into a seal. "You may have the first move".

"KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU" naruto yelled making hundreds of clones.

"Not bad lets see you handle this Katon: Goukakyuu no jutsu" he said incinerating a horde of narutos.

While the rest of the narutos attack with a not so subtle approach to attack with kicks and punches galore.

"Maybe I should take you seriously" he said taking out a group of narutos before unsealing a black claymore.

"If you think that gonna scare us your wrong" a naruto yelled before they all jumped in the air and threw every weapon on them.

"FUTON: DAITOPPA" Jan yelled sending all the weapons back at the clones.

"Dammit that was just like the forest" naruto thought looking from his hiding spot.

"Gotcha now" said a voice from behind him.

Naruto jumped barely dodging the giant sword. Taking out two kunai he got into a stance to block the sword. When an overhead swing came at him he put up the kunais blocking the attack putting strain on his arms. When he followed the blade he saw the wielder of the blade suspended in air by the sword.

"Hm you doing quite well for a genin I expected you to have been hit with some of the weapons I launched back at you from your grades I'm gonna have to say you put up a façade to hide your skill well whoever taught you must have been a great teacher" jan said.

"My sensei had nothing to do with it all he taught me was how to climb trees" naruto said gritting his teeth and sending chakra to his arms.

"Ah without formal training your holding your own against me at half my full strength that puts you as either a c-b ranked ninja you know" jan said putting his foot on the two kunais and jumping away.

"What do you mean" naruto asked.

"I'm marked as a double s rank ninja recently brought back to this world from death and with the skills your showing I'm surprised no one trained you, you show skills high chuunin don't even have with jonin chakra you could be better than all 5 kages combined" jan said. "But let's wrap this up Futon: Renkuudan" he said launching the air bullet at naruto who wasn't fast enough to dodge getting knocked into a tree and getting knocked out.

"Dammit guess it had too much power" Jan said resealing the claymore. "Guess I have to wait for him to come to".

2 hours later

"Ow my head hurts" naruto said waking up.

"Yeah that happens when you get an express trip into a tree" Jan said from the other side of the clearing. "Now then for your training to begin take this paper and channel chakra into it".

"Fine" naruto did.

And many things happened.

First it split in half a 4th turned into dirt another 4th got soaked another 4th was burnt to a crisp and the last one represented lighting.

"Great you have all 5 elements in you do to you parents and your tenate" Jan said.

"How do you know about kyuubi" naruto asked.

"I've been dead you learn things" he said already planning a training schedule. "But before we start your intense 3 week training whoever is behind the tree you can come out".

"How do you know someone's there" naruto asked.

"Simple like you I have a tenate and it enhances my senses and other things like some bloodline limits it has given me, so I can smell someone is behind the tree and has been there for the whole time we've been here so you can come out now or I can tear the tree out of the ground" jan said.

When he said that someone walked out from behind the tree this person was a girl of naruto's age that had raven colored hair and lavender eyes that didn't have pupils in them. She was wearing a big white jacket and black pants with sandals on.

"You're a hyuuga and you hid behind a TREE to spy A FUCKING TREE" Jan said.

"S-sorry" the girl said.

"AND YOUR SAYING SORRY FOR NOT DOING ANYTHING" Jan said. "I refuse to believe you are a hyuuga they all have giant sticks up their asses and are assholes".

"Wait I think I know her she was in my class" naruto said. "She always apologizes for things she doesn't do she's just weird".

Jan looked at both of them back and forth about ten times before chuckling.

"Ah young love" he said. "Now then I guess I should say sorry for yelling so sorry now then what is your name" jan asked her.

"H-hinata" she said.

"Okay then since you're here why don't you to talk while I go get some stuff" he said before leaving.

"He didn't even wait for an answer" naruto deadpanned. "So why were you behind that tree"?

"U-um I h-heard s-some noises a-and c-came to s-see w-hat it w-was" hinata stuttered out.

"Oh" naruto said. "How long do you think till Jan gets back"?

30 minutes later.

"Yo" Jan said coming into the clearing in a very kakashi like manner.

"So what did you get" naruto asked standing up off the ground.

"Well I got you training weights a weapon, a sealing book, some jutsu scrolls and some new clothes" he said pulling out a scroll and unsealing the stuff in it.

"Um why did you get me a claymore" naruto asked.

"Oh my bad that is for someone else" Jan said taking a different scroll out and unsealing some weapons from it. "Here this katan should be perfect for you".

"Okay that's better I guess but weights" naruto said.

"To improve your speed of course you put one on each leg and one on each arm" Jan said.

"Seals".

"You need to know seals you're an Uzumaki" Jan said.

"The clothes".

"ORANGE JUMPSUITS ARE EVIL" Jan said

"So why is there a claymore and more weights" naruto asked.

"Eh you friend seems like she would be good with a sword" Jan said.

"What but sakura isn't here" naruto said.

"Not her she's canon fodder always will be I mean the blushing blue haired girl exactly eight inches to your right" Jan said.

"And the extra weights".

"Again its better to be fast with a sword than slow I'm guessing your not gonna have missions because of the exams so I sent a clone to see her father to see if I could train her as well he didn't seem to care so I bought a second set of weights" jan said.

"B-but I w-would o-only h-hold e-ever o-one b-back" hinata said.

"Not really you're better than naruto at taijutsu and probably many other things so you could help him with sealing" Jan said.

"Now if there are no more question let the training commence" Jan said with a clap.

3 weeks later stadium.

"The first match will be Naruto Uzumaki versus Neji Hyuuga" genma said only neji was there.

"Call the match the loser isn't coming" neji said.

Before a storm rolled in and a bolt of lighting crashed down in the arena.

When all the smoke cleared Naruto and Jan where there.

"Ready to get your ass kicked neji" naruto said.

"I'll take my leave now" Jan said jumping into the kage box.

"Hello hokage-sama" Jan said.

"Ah yes how did the training go" The hokage asked.

"Quite well both of them have advanced exponentially in 3 weeks alone" Jan said leaning against a wall.

"Exactly who are you" the 'kazekage' asked.

"Me I'm Jan you might know me I did nearly destroy kumo in an hour man I was so wasted that day" Jan said.

"Shit I'm gonna need to get rid of him to kill the old man" orochimaru thought.

In the arena.

"Are both contestants ready" they both nod. "BEGIN".

"Katon: endan" naruto said shooting the fire ball at neji who jumped out of the way.

"Futon: Renkuudan" naruto said running at neji trying to get as close as possible before launching the attack hitting neji in the chest.

"You should give up neji" naruto said.

"Just because you have gotten stronger means nothing your still a failure you always will be" neji said charging at naruto for a taijutsu fight.

"I'm not going to let you have the upper hand neji" naruto said unsealing his katan that was a flash of yellow before it hit neji.

Neji seeing no other option jumped back to dodge another slash.

"You should surrender fate has decreed that I will win you can not defy fate" neji said.

"Maybe you should stop blaming all of your problems on fate neji" naruto said.

"You know nothing of having a seal on you marking you since you were born" neji said before explaining his past.

"I know more than you think neji but let's get back to the fight at hand Doryuusou" naruto said making spears surround neji.

Neji in retaliation began to spin around while releasing chakra.

"KAITEN" neji yelled when a dome of chakra appeared and destroyed the spears.

"Suiton: Teppoudama" naruto said blasting neji with water.

While was stunned by the hit naruto did more hand signs.

"Mizu no muchi" naruto said forming water from the air and wrapped it around neji before charging lightning chakra into it.

"GAA" neji yelled out in pain.

Naruto dropped the whip and ran forward with his blade ready when he reached neji he slashed across his chest from his left shoulder to his right hip.

"Proctor call the match" naruto said as genma appeared.

"Winner Naruto Uzumaki" in the crowd everyone was stunned that was the least expected thing anyone thought could happen.

Before everyone started clapping and cheering.

The rest of the matches went the same.

"Sasuke uchia is disqualified" genma said when sasuke was late. "Next match Naruto Uzumaki versus Gaara".

"BEGIN" genma said before disappearing.

The fight was between naruto and a redhead with a tattoo with the word live written on his forehead with bags under his eyes and a gourd on his back.

Kage box.

"So who do you think will win" the hokage asked.

"Naruto I've trained him to fight anything" jan said

"Why did you train that boy from what I understand he was the dead last of his class" the kazekage asked.

"Simple the potential he had to become the best was astounding and with out proper training now if only he wasn't so dense he would be invincible" Jan said.

Arena.

"Mother wants your blood" gaara said.

"Well I think I need my blood to live when I'm done with it tell her she can have it" naruto said.

"That will be quite soon Uzumaki" gaara said launching his sand at naruto.

"Suiton: Teppoudama" naruto said trying to drench the sand.

When that didn't work he settled to run away before spinning and doing some seals.

"Katon: Goukakyuu" naruto said turning the sand to glass making it fall to the ground.

"You angry me Uzumaki" gaara said.

"Well in that case I guess there won't be any singing needed to make you mad" naruto said doing even more seals. "Suiton Suiryuudan" he said launching the dragon at gaara drenching his sand making it fall to the ground uselessly.

When the sand fell naruto dropped his weights and ran at gaara with increased speed slashing him on the chest.

"Domu" naruto said hardening his body and turning around to charge at gaara again and getting ready to deliver a vicious right hook knocking him back straight into the wall.

And knocking him out.

Stands.

"Oh shit" temari said.

"He's not getting up" kankurou said.

"Why though" temari said.

"I walked into him on the street and he tried to kill me so I fixed his seal" Jan said coming up from behind them.

"So he's just gonna sleep and not unleash shukaku" temari said.

"That's about the size of it" Jan said.

Arena

"Um winner Naruto Uzumaki" genma said.

That was when feathers began to fall.

"KAI" came the multiple shouts from shinobi in the arena.

And orochimaru got trapped with the 'hokage'.

"Dumbass" Jan said dropping his henge.

"Fuck" orochimaru said before getting hit by a barrage of punches and kicks.

"Fuck's right pedophile" Jan said before doing a handstand and bringing his right foot crashing onto orochimaru's arms when he tried to block. "BEHEADING SKY KICK" Jan yelled breaking orochimaru's arms.

"AH" orochimaru yelled out in pain jumping away.

"GET BACK HERE YOU COWARD" Jan yelled pulling out a zanbatou from god knows where.

Of course orochimaru being orochimaru realized the prison they were in was his and it was his troops who had it active.

"DEACTIVATE THE BARRIER" he yelled running to the wall.

But if one of the people holding the barrier up doesn't release it, it stayed up and orochimaru ran into a wall and was light in fire before falling to the ground in pain.

"YOU FOOLS I SAID DROP THE BARRIER" he yelled.

"Consider this pay back you asshole" the redhead of the group said being the only one not to drop the barrier making it stay up.

"Here's something I learned when I was dead" Jan said holding out his right arm. "You might recognize it, its called RASENGAN" Jan yelled making the spinning orb in his hand before rushing orochimaru and slamming it into his head.

"GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" orochimaru yelled out as his last syllable/ word before his head was torn apart.

"Hey red drop the barrier" Jan said to the redhead.

"MY NAMES NOT RED" she yelled punching him once the barrier was dropped.

"OW how should I know that" Jan asked.

"I DON'T KNOW JUST DON'T CALL ME RED" she yelled.

"Then what should I call you" he asked.

"My name is tayuya got it t-a-y-u-y-a not red shithead" tayuya said.

"Hm do you find it odd those three people around us are on the ground writhing in pain holding their shoulders" Jan asked.

"The cursed seals" tayuya said before grabbing her own shoulder and yelling in pain.

"This probably isn't good apart of my brain is telling me" Jan said.

"Well then maybe you could help me dumbass" tayuya said.

"I'm not good with med jutsu but I can try" he said channeling silver chakra to his hands and activating his eyes making the half orange.

"Seems that the seal is trying to destroy you chakra path ways this should stop it but it will hurt at first" he said putting his hand on the seal making the chakra have a small pulse to it before turning black.

"It stopped" tayuya said looking to see the seal gone.

"Nasty seal that was and I'm gonna need to find something to move the ink part of it to makes a nasty tattoo" Jan said seeing it on his hand.

And then there was the chakra that could make a kage whimper in phear came.

"Shit".

With naruto.

Once the invasion started he was taking down sand and sound ninja left and right by over whelming them with raw power.

But when he went to see if his friends were all right he found most of them were fine except for when a few ninja ganged up on hinata and pinned her down due to there numbers the were able to knock away the rest of the rookie 9 before trying to rape her.

They would have succeeded if naruto wasn't there but unfortunately for them he was and he was very mad.

Mad enough to tap into kyuubi's chakra by accident.

"RAWAR" naruto roared at them before launching himself at them and ripping ones throat out spewing bloat onto his shirt before throwing him aside. And making a b-line to the one that tried to rape hinata with his katan drawn.

The guy didn't have a chance in hell since naruto was under the influence of his hatred and kyuubi's chakra he to be gentle ripped the guys arm off and beat him into a bloody pulp on the ground before tearing his heart out and crushing it.

Scaring everyone who saw this before continuing his bloody rampage.

"NARUTO" Jan yelled drawing his attention before he rushed at Jan.

Jan took out a seal and thrusted it on to naruto's forehead. This made the evil aura of chakra recede before it disappeared completely.

"Now calm down naruto hinata is fine your making her worry from your behavior" Jan said trying to make naruto calm down.

"N-naruto-kun" hinata said moving out from behind Jan.

"Hinata-chan" naruto said back to normal now that hinata was fine and gave her a hug.

Making every girl go awwww.

And Jan accidently hit his elbow into the back of naruto's head and make them kiss.

"Well I'm glad you two are showing your feelings for each other but there is a war going on" Jan said jumping away with a ninjato in hand already cutting down enemy ninja.

"He's right lets go" naruto said drawing his katan and cutting a enemy Nin down.

3 hour massac- I mean war later.

The sand and sound Nin weren't all that prepared for the vicious counter attack that they received to there attack and either retreated or died. I mean by that ruffle 8% of the 3000 invading forces.

"Well they died really fast" Jan said sounding disappointed.

"You slaughtered more than half of them" naruto said pulling his blade out of one dead body.

"And you killed about 200 of them because of your emotions so congrats you have now just become a psychotic murderer" Jan said.

"Yes because you already are one" naruto said back.

"I now just realize I'm gonna be in deep shit from the council for training you and not that emo kid" who just appeared seeing bodies lying around everywhere and puked kakashi's one visible eye widened when he looked around.

"YOU'RE LATE" said one pink haired girl who had a forehead bigger than Godzilla's who was wearing a pink Chinese dress. Her name or at least I think it's a she is Sakura Haruno or cannon fodder.

"Yeah you missed all the fun everyone's dead" Jan said to the two.

One can easily be described as an emo wearing a black one piece with bandages on his arm.

Kakashi the taller of the two was wearing a mask that covered everything but his eyes; his left eye was covered by his headband. He wears dark blue anbu pants and the standard jonin vest.

"Oh and the emo was disqualified for not being on time" Jan said.

"WHAT THEY CAN'T DO THAT IM AN UCHIHA" sasuke yelled.

"DON'T YELL AT ME ILL FUCKING GUT YOU, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT" Jan yelled.

"DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT" sasuke tried to begin to yell.

Before Jan jumped down to the arena and kick him into a wall.

"DON'T YELL AT ME THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING BEFORE YOU GET AN EXPRESS TRIP INTO A HORDE OF FANGIRLS" jan yelled making the uchiha shake in fear at that thought.

Kakashi got a good look at this crazy human being before freezing in fear.

"Y-you" kakashi said pointing at him before hiding his book.

"Eh who are you" Jan asked looking at the Cyclops who was quaking in fear.

"LEAVE MY BOOKS ALONE" kakashi shouted before running away at a speed not even gai could match.

"Am I the only one missing something" Jan asked.

"Probably" naruto said.

"Whatever" he said leaving just before a horde of rabid girls took sasuke's unconscious form away.

Later.

"So why am I here" Jan asked looking at the council.

"Because we have brought you here to inform you that-"one of the many old people of the council began.

"Hello shady meadows I would like to report one of your patients missing he seems to have gone senile and thinks he play a important part of the government system of konoha what you haven't had any patients escape well then I guess I called the wrong place. Yes happy skies retirement facilities have you had any missing patients recently no oh would you be persuaded to say yes for 50 ryo no how about 100 still no well then" Jan said hanging up his cell phone before looking around. "Where that old guy with the hat".

"Who" just about every said.

"You know really old dude taught the sennin has a beard last name sarutobi has the monkey summoning contract and wears that funny hat other wise I see no reason as to why I was called here I am a shinobi under the hokage's um what's the word guidance no leadership eh good enough" he said.

Now only one person hadn't figured out who he was talking about… if you're wondering it was an obese council member on the civilian side.

"Who" he asked well call him Stan or jack complete lack of imagination or jcloi.

"That guy" Jan said pointing at the hokage as he came in.

"Yes why wasn't I not informed about this meeting regarding one of my shinobi" the old guy asked smoking his every present pipe.

"Who knows but I need to get to work on fixing this thing before bad things happen but first do you have my key" he asked the hokage.

"Of course I have it and the rest of your things still sealed in my office" he said.

"Good the forges in town suck none of the metal is even that strong" Jan said.

"Now about the orochimaru situation" the hokage asked.

"Completely handled I sent some summons to sound a few hours ago and the plan worked not one can survive a rasengan to the head and even if he did which I doubt since every curse mark made was deactivated and that bone user scary guy who had a sound head band turned on sound and killed a lot of them apparently the cursed mark made him very sick and once it was gone he was better and very mad and killed people" jan said. "Oh and I think he turned into barney".

"So can I have my stuff like I said important things need to be done you know fix my house give naruto his sword back after he broke it in to a billion pieces hide from hinata till she cools down and finally destroy some place called ROOT" jan said taking a list from no where.

"ROOT was disbanded years ago" the hokage said.

"It should have been but mummy man lied and it's still up and running right senior bandage ass" Jan said.

"Get him" Danzo said the mummy man who had his right arm and eye covered in bandages.

"Nope" Jan said from behind Danzo before cutting him in half.

"Now I want to go home so kage bunshin no jutsu" Jan said making clones. "Give them my stuff so they can bring it to my house and give me the key so I can go home I've been away for 4 years I need to go home to make some stuff" he said before going to the hokage's office.

"You know where the scrolls are" the hokage said looking with hate at the pile of paperwork on his desk.

"You know kage bunshins could do your paperwork for you" Jan said.

"Oh god of course OF COURSE KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU" he yelled making 20 clones. "Now start you paper work".

"Yeah see ya" he said taking his house key and leaving via the window.

With naruto.

Hate filled looks were sent at him as he walked through the streets ignoring them when he turned into a alley and a group of people jumped expecting him to take and not expecting to be thrown into multiple walls.

After all everyone has a dark side some worse than others and naruto's has had years of hate fed into it making it grow till it started to come out and go after those that created it… the villagers of konoha were in for one hell of a ride if they live that is.

After all he wasn't in a good mood that day.

And seeing Jan go through the village receiving the same treatment for caring for naruto. But he wasn't that nice.

By the time he reached his house with naruto on his tail. Jan getting madder and madder at the village had broken the bones of 3 civilians and 4 ninja.

"You can come out naruto it seems your blade is beyond repair so you'll be getting a new one made like my greatest weapon I've never used it in battle for it was never necessary to use since it could just destroy opponents weaker than mid jonin in seconds it is the ultimate weapon nothing could match it in power only weapons gifted with the power of the biju could match it" he said pulling up his right sleeve revealing a seal meant to hold weapons.

When he unsealed it there was a zanbatou with a blade that seemed to shine like the full moon the hilt was black covered in something like grip tape except stronger and it was part of the blade itself at the pommel there was a wolf's head with a glistening white-ish silver orb in its mouth.

"This sword is called 'The blade of the wolf king' it can cut through anything when my chakra is put in it I can cause a massive long range attack that depending on the chakra in it will have varying effects. If I put okaru's chakra into the blade it will release an insanely powerful attack that will annihilate just about anything" Jan told him.

"What will happen to it once you die" naruto asked.

"I will pass it down to my heir" Jan said. "But first we shall get you a new weapon it will be out of the greatest metal that ever existed and will form the perfect weapon for you".

With that Jan went to his forge to grab something an orb of metal.

"Here channel your chakra into it, it will form a weapon for you" Jan told naruto.

Naruto did and there was a flash of light before naruto was holding a katana like weapon only bigger in length it was the size of a zanbatou with a little curve at the tip it had a green blade that was half the width of a zanbatou as well. The hilt was a hand and a half hilt so it could be used with one or two hands. At the end of the hilt was an orange fox head with a glowing red orb in its mouth.

"Now name your blade" Jan said.

"I'll call it 'Blade of the kitsune king'" naruto said.

"That stealing my blades name" Jan said.

"So it sounds badass if their used together it would be awesome with the names like that" naruto said.

Long chapter but I needed to make it this long to get in the details.


	2. Chapter 2

Now when you're faced with the decision naruto is at currently facing you'll see his frustration.

His problem was does he eat at ichrukas or the dango shop. Jan said if he wanted the very best training he had to do this others called it a suicide mission.

His training… Get anko's dango AND survive.

He steeled himself and went in. Within seconds he spotted anko eating her dango. Quickly grabbing a table he made a chakra string as slow as possible connecting it to her stick of dango before reeling it in very fast and running the fuck out of there as soon as he had it. Anko to his surprise didn't chase him so he went back in and poked her and it was a scarecrow.

"FUCK" naruto yelled dodging a kunai and running back outside dodging snakes kunai and shuriken in an effort to live.

"COME BACK HERE BRAT" anko yelled after him throwing more things at him.

"Shit I'm so dead" naruto thought jumping over a snake that was in the large side.

While he was doing this for 'training' well Jan was on a rooftop watching naruto run and anko chase him and said "Dance puppets dance". This is were jiraya found him just as tayuya finished her talk with him about not flirting with her and he freed himself from the snake he was inside of.

"I need to take naruto out of for-" jiraya tried to say.

"No you had your chance to train him its my turn and he blossoming under my tutelage quite nicely I mean anko hasn't hit him once yet sides hinata might gut you" Jan said walking to a random direction for no reason before jumping away to the kage tower.

"COME BACK HERE" was heard as Jan jumped away.

Kage tower

"Yo old guy with a fun pointy hat" Jan said crashing a council meeting.

"What" the elderly hokage said lifting his head up the desk.

"I need to something to do I set naruto up with the most intense training I could think of in a few seconds" Jan said ignoring the council. When one of them was about to talk he gave that specific fat lard the one fingered salute.

"Fine take naruto and find tsunade she is my successor for hokage but jiraya is accompanying you to train naruto" the old kage said.

"But he had like a 5 year window to train him I already gave him a sword that glows IT GLOWS jiraya knows shit about swords" Jan said still flipping off the councilor.

"It glows".

"YES".

"Why".

"WHY THE HELL NOT".

"Touché"

"Why did you give that demon a weapon" a random councilor asked.

"You told them my record of at least two councilor deaths per meeting I'm in well one down" Jan said before flickering and unflickering before the guy came apart into two pieces.

"One down one, to go" Jan said.

"The uchia deserves that weapon more that the kyuubi brat" someone else whispered.

"You know I have very good hearing" Jan said standing over the guy with a katana at the ready before beheading the guy.

"The uchia is a little whiney bitch who wouldn't even stand a chance against naruto or even hinata now scary girl but that reminds me of a very important question for the man woman dude with lavender eyes" Jan said.

"What" hashi said?

"Are the hyugga really big pervs or super big ones" Jan asked.

"WHAT" hashi screamed.

"I SAID HOW BIG OF A PERV IS THE HYUUGA CLAN I found hinata reading a certain book and just kind of wanted to know" jan said.

"This book wouldn't happen to be called icha icha paradise would it" hashi asked fearing the answer.

"Yes why" Jan told him.

"Dammit I was hoping she would be normal the exception to the hyuuga clan but she found that book" hashi said.

"Ah clan shit whatever I'm bringing her to for training and I believe she might use her eyes to play eyes spy with little-"Jan began saying.

"NO MORE PLEASE" hashi yelled knowing what he was about to say.

"Fine then wait I just now remembered I need to increase naruto's weights" he said snapping.

With naruto

He fell over from the extra weight and anko converged on the mistake.

The scream was heard all the way in Iwa scaring people.

With hinata

"This is the greatest piece of literature ever made" hinata thought flipping the page.

With Jan

"Yep I need a waffle" Jan said leaving.

"YOU".

"FUCK" Jan said running from some monster thingies.

"FUCKS RIGHT SHITHEAD" tayuya yelled running after him.

"IT WAS A JOKE".

"YOU DYED MY SKIN PURPLE".

"PURPLES AN AWSOME COLOR".

And many more shouts like that were heard.

"PLEASE I WANT TO LIVE".

OMAKE.

"FUN BOX OH FUN BOX SO SMALL AND DARK, CHECK OUT THESE COOL FUN LOCKS" tayuya sang putting Jan in a box over sharks.

"PLEASE IT WAS A JOKE IM SORRY THE FUN BOX IS SCARY" Jan yelled crying more than gai ever could.

"NOPE" yelled the now crazed redhead.

Laughter that put orochimaru to shame was heard every where in konoha.

Please if you read it review even if its just to flame me.


	3. Chapter 3

"Right let's going to find that old lady" Jan said while they were walking past the gate.

"Let me guess you wanna hurry up and leave before that girl realizes your gone" naruto said.

"The fun box was scary okay" Jan told him.

Jiraya shuddered remembering the time he spent in the fun box.

"Now naruto I'm going to be teaching you the rasengan" jiraya said.

"You mean this" naruto said making a perfect rasengan.

"How" jiraya asked stupefied.

"I taught him it so he could learn how to launch it from his sword like I do" Jan said launching the spinning ball o death from a katan.

"How many swords do you have" naruto asked.

"Over 400" Jan said pulling out a rapier and making a rasengan on that.

"Now practice doing that till you can do it with your sword" Jan ordered.

"KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU" naruto yelled making hundreds of clones who practiced it over and over again in a clearing there while the original did the same.

"Right um let's go" Jan said.

"Right" naruto said.

Later at a hotel

"Are you sure these windows are angry female proof or just normal female proof" Jan asked naruto inspecting the windows.

"Dude calm down it's not like see can track you" naruto asked looking at Jan. "She can't can she oh god tell me she can't".

"It's like how hinata can track you" Jan said.

"Your screwed man" naruto said just as a knock came from the door.

"Hello would you be interested in buying a brand new dildo for you and your special friend there" Jan asked opening the door to see two guys in cloaks with red clouds on them. "Dammit I thought you would be girls with that perv".

"Sorry we have the wrong room it seems" the shorter one says.

Jan saw to red eyes.

"Itachi you bastard I can't believe you, you see and old friend and don't say hi how's it been" Jan said.

"Wait Jan you were found dead from being disemboweled by s-ranked missing ninja" itachi said eyes widening.

"Ya being dead sucks don't try it the pamphlets are so wrong" Jan said looking at the other guy. "Ah yes kisame how's the sharks been".

"They been good" kisame said with horrible grammar before the two did a strange handshake.

"Yep it's Jan" kisame said.

"Why are there two s-ranked ninja here" naruto asked coming to the door.

"Eh you make dangerous friends when you're me" Jan said.

"Yes well anyway you see the reason were her is because of naruto actually" itachi said.

"Oh that weird s-ranked missing ninja group shit yeah no naruto is gonna most likely stay with me" Jan said drawing a completely black sword.

"Ah sword fight then" kisame said.

"No, I'll just kill you both now and be done with it" Jan said making multiple rasengan on the swords blade and launched them off the sword at them before rushing forward and stabbing kisame in the liver before pulling up on the blade cutting into a lung.

"AHHH BASTARD" kisame yelled.

"Wind execution" Jan said blowing kisame to pieces.

"ITACHI YOU DIE NOW CHIDORI" said a screaming sasuke who ran at itachi.

Itachi waited till the last second and grabbed sasuke's wrist and sent the chidori into a wall.

"Suiton: Mizurappa" Jan said blasting itachi with water.

Naruto not wanting to be left out came from behind itachi with the rapier and a rasengan on the tip and stabbed forward. Itachi ducked and got hit in the shoulder breaking the bone badly before having a black double bladed sword sticking from his chest.

"Fire execution" Jan said incinerating itachi. "He was a great guy and could hold hid drinks pretty well".

Sasuke was furious about not being the one to kill itachi.

"I WAS SUPPOSED TO KILL HIM" sasuke yelled.

"I know itachi you didn't stand half a chance against him when he's drunk" Jan said as jiraya came onto the scene and seeing the blood everywhere.

"So I missed the fight" jiraya said.

"Yes all because some girl batted her eyes at you" Jan said.

Please if you review I will make some one dance next chapter anyone you want.


	4. Chapter 4

On the road to the biggest gambling city ever jiraya tried finding something to teach naruto.

"Seals what do you know about them" jiraya asked.

"More than most anbu" naruto responded.

"How" jiraya asked.

"I taught him" Jan said. Or whispered still convinced they were being followed.

"But I'm a seal master I could teach him more than your small mind could even imagine" jiraya said boastfully.

Barley stopping in time to not walk into a sword covered in seals. One that looked familiar.

"THE HIRASHIN" jiraya yelled looking closer at the seals.

"No a more advanced form of it allowing me to teleport anywhere I can picture in my mind as long as its within 5 miles of me when I have this sword out" Jan said sheathing that sword on a sheath that came from nowhere. As did the sword, hell all of the swords came from nowhere no seals, basically they seemed to come from nowhere.

"Okay, I cave where do the swords come from" naruto asked.

"Oh I just teleport them and their sheath to me when I need them" Jan said. "I have a seal on the inside of my jacket".

"Oh" naruto said.

"THAT'S WHAT YOU USE THE HIRASHIN FOR" jiraya yelled.

"Yep" Jan said making jiraya cry anime tears.

"I CANT EVEN USE THE HIRASHIN AND YOU USE IT FOR WEAPONS, WEAPONS" jiraya yelled while crying in a corner. That came from no where. THEY WERE ON A FUCKING ROAD.

"SHHH" Jan said crouching.

"Bandits" naruto asked.

"No worse, Hinata" Jan said before running away and leaving an after image before hinata came out from behind a tree. Looking VERY pissed.

"You missed the FIRST date we ever had, THE FIRST ONE" hinata yelled at naruto ignoring jiraya who was still crying.

"Oh shit, oh shit, OH SHIT" was all naruto said/yelled before hinata beat the shit out of him. With his own foot. Ouch.

A merciless beating later

"Yo" Jan said walking back towards the scene and seeing hinata crushing naruto in a hug. Jiraya was still crying while singing what suspiciously sounded like the emo song. And naruto's foot was torn off and had a new one.

"That must of hurt" Jan said before remembering something very important.

Tayuya was with hinata.

"OH FUCK" was all he managed to say before monster came out from the forest to kill him.

Oh how bad a day that was.

Another beating later

"And THAT'S why you don't paint every room in my house pink and put fluffy stuff in my room" tayuya said before kicking Jan in the face… Again.

"THAT WASN'T ME".

"YES IT WAS YOU EVEN WROTE 'Jan was here' ON MY WALL".

Kick, kick, kick kick kick, tree slam, explosion, etc…

Yeah um we'll skip to later in the story.

"Right lets go" Jan said after reattaching his last severed body part.

"I agree" naruto said reopening all his tenketsu.

"Now naruto this is the greatest skill I will ever teach you okay" Jan said getting naruto's attention. "Never be late or miss a date EVER".

"Lesson learned but how did that girl tear a tree from the ground and bash you into a wall that appeared from nowhere" naruto asked.

"Where in a" Jan tried to explain before a lighting bolt hit him. "Never mind" he said before passing out.

"Right then" naruto said lifting up Jan from his nearly dead coma on the ground and kicking jiraya in the face to get him to come with him.

Next time skip

"I feel like shit" Jan said waking up on the ground of a bar. "Asshole" he said standing up and seeing naruto and jiraya eating with to girls.

"Oh it's that old lady we had to come and find" Jan said looking at the blond women.

And getting punched through a wall.

The blond is Tsunade Senju the greatest medic ever to live and she hit really hard. She was about 6'1. Had her hair in two pigtails. And had a giant bust.

The black haired woman is Shizune. And is Tsunade's apprentice. And was wearing a black robe, kimono, robe? Well just say robe. And had a pet pig named Ton-ton.

"You know for an old chick you hit really hard" Jan said getting up from the ground.

"You're alive" jiraya said. "She's liquefied bones with less force than that".

"Yeah well you don't get to be me without getting hit by stuff like that train that smashed me into a wall" Jan said.

"Okay then" jiraya said.

"Now then old person *duck* I believe we should settle this civilly and fight outside so that the bar isn't broken" Jan said.

"Fine then" tsunade said.

Outside.

"One finger is all I'm gonna need to win against you" she said.

"I'll only need this short sword" Jan said pulling a sword from a sheath, well it was bigger than a dagger but shorter than a tanto.

"BEGIN" Naruto yelled dressed like a football ref.

"Monkey bites the goat" Jan said. Before biting tsunade on the arm.

"GET OFF ME" she yelled flinging him into a wall before he jumped back out with the dagger thing poised to strike.

"Burning wrath" Jan said before the dagger turned into a magma sword.

"That's cheating" Shizune said.

"Nope still that dagger just has magma on it" naruto said watching the fight.

Jan slashed with the sword barely missing tsunade's head. Only for her to be knocked back by the magma exploding.

"ARTIC DEATH" Jan said before the dagger turned into an ice sword.

This time when he made a cut on tsunade the cut froze making it deeper.

"Bastard" tsunade said.

"OLD HAG" Jan said before spinning behind her and slashing her across her back. Which then froze.

"SURRENDER".

"NEVER".

"I'll kill you if you don't" Jan said holding the blade to her throat.

"How'd he" Everyone thought he was a good few feet away from her seconds before.

"So it is you" tsunade said.

"Cleary it is" Jan said before returning the dagger back to normal and re-sheathing it. Before it disappeared.

Hotel room

"What do you three want anyways" tsunade asked while shizune healed her cuts.

"Well we need a new hokage and I'll kill jiraya before I let him take the job" Jan said.

"Fair enough" tsunade said.

"Do you still have those gauntlets by any chance" Jan asked.

"Yeah why" tsunade asked.

"I need to make sure that the chakra that it's augmented with is still flowing through it" Jan said as tsunade pulled a scroll out and unsealed pieces of the gauntlet.

"Well here all that's left of them" tsunade said.

"Great but you know your coming back to konoha with us to be hokage right other wise I'll drag you there" Jan said.

"Fine" she said.

"How do you two know each other" jiraya asked.

"I'm an interesting person and meet a lot of people we had a little match and I gave her the gauntlets simple" Jan said.

"Right um maybe you should sleep you did take massive damage to your head today what with that tree and tsunade's fists" naruto said.

"Yeah" Jan said before falling over.

A few weeks later

"Dammit" Jan said.

"What" naruto asked.

"Hinata is waiting at the gate for us or well you" Jan said.

When they got to the gate they were rather surprised by one thing. She had her headband over her forehead.

"They did it didn't they" Jan asked.

Hinata just nodded while holding naruto like he was a giant teddy bear.

"Hm well then can I see the seal" Jan asked.

Hinata just took her headband off.

"Just like I thought a death seal if it gets activated you'll die" Jan said seeing the fear in her eyes.

"Don't fret its nothing really to easy of a seal to remove it won't even be a challenge" Jan said taking a brush from no where and an ink container. "Now hold still I'm gonna put a temporary counter on it for now till I can remove it later" Jan said placing a seal over the front of the altered caged bird seal.

"Now to the tower naruto go hug hinata some where and comfort her" Jan said.

Tower

"So you got tsunade to come back" The old kage said.

"Yes so my test will be in a few days then" Jan said.

"Yes before tsunade is instated as hokage" he said.

With naruto and hinata

Naruto had brought her to his apartment which he had fixed up with his clones.

Hinata was still hugging naruto like if she let go she might die.

"So they branded you" naruto asked.

"T-they t-thought I w-was t-to w-weak" hinata said while crying.

"Bastards" naruto said planning the massacre of the hyuggas.

A few hours later Jan's house

"Okay hinata this might hurt but it should remove the seal" Jan told her before beginning to put a counter seal on the caged bird seal.

The seal began to glow.

"Shit" Jan thought seeing this someone was trying to activate the seal and kill hinata. The original counter seal seemed to keep it at bay.

He tried to deactivate it before it wore through the counter.

Once it stopped glowing he began working even faster to remove it.

After three hours of nonstop trying to prevent the seal from causing permeate damage to her.

"Its done you'll be fine" Jan said once the seal was gone from her head.

A couple days later.

"Now to decide your skill we'll be having you face opponents of varying skill. Your first fight will be one genin" the 3rd hokage said.

"Cool" Jan said.

Arena floor.

"So I'm fighting a thirteen year old" Jan said looking at a kid in green.

In fact this was Rock Lee. His green spandex and orange leg warmers, bowl cut hair, and GIANT eyebrows.

"YOSH I SHALL DEFEAT YOU WITH MY FLAMES OF YOUTH" lee yelled.

"Yep Gai's student" Jan said.

"BEGIN" the ref yelled before jumping away.

Lee rushed forward and threw a right hook which was dodged. Spin kick, dodged. Roundhouse kick, blocked.

"Take them off" said an older version of lee with a vest, he was Maito Gai.

"Okay gai-sensei" lee said dropping weights from his ankles that made craters on the ground.

"Hm he's fast" Jan thought dodging another punch. "Most likely cant use jutsu".

Lee went in for a sidekick and it connected.

But Jan caught his foot. And threw him into a wall.

"Your fast kid I'll give you that, strong to. But that's not enough to beat me" Jan said before grabbing lee and throwing him at a different wall.

Lee jumped off the wall and crouched.

"FIRST GATE: OPEN, SECOND GATE: OPEN, THIRD GATE: OPEN" lee yelled opening the gates before moving faster still with an even faster barrage of attack this time.

"Hm not bad" Jan said after being punched back into a wall. "Of course reckless to for I could just wear you down till you drop from exhaustion".

"But here from me to you Futon: Renkuudan" Jan said blasting lee into a wall when he was right in front of him.

"Give up I'm still stronger and faster than you kid" Jan said.

"Proctor I surrender" lee said closing the gates and grabbing his weights.

"Next opponents two chunin" the 3rd said.

"OKAY, who's next that was a fantastic warm up" Jan said as two random chunin came into the arena both like 5'9 one had brown hair the other was blonde.

"A mind fucker upper egh" Jan said.

"BEGIN" the ref said.

"Doton: Arijigoku" Jan said causing the two nin to get buried up to their necks. "I win".

"Uh yeah" the ref said.

"Next fight two jonin" the old kage said.

"YEAH TIME FOR SOME FUN" Jan yelled pumping his fist in the air and making a sword come from nowhere. It was a tachi with an orange hilt and a blood red blade.

The two jonin were none other than gai and kakashi.

"BEGIN" the ref yelled.

Gai took out a nuckha and ran forward and began attacking with it while either dodging or blocking the tachi.

But he wasn't fairing much better than his pupil.

"Suiton: Mizurappa" Jan said blasting gai with the water when he blocked the attack.

"Futon: Daitoppa" Jan said blasting gai back into the wall and making him stick there before he vanished from gai's sight. In truth he put a blanket colored like the wall in front of him and was standing still and gai couldn't see him.

"Um I'm right here" Jan said before gai smashed that spot not noticing the clone poof of smoke.

Jan was at the arena center.

"YOSH YOUR SPEED IS INCREDIBLE" gai yelled thinking Jan had super speed.

"Wait no you hit a" but gai didn't listen

"FIRST GATE: OPEN, SECOND GATE: OPEN, THIRD GATE: OPEN, FOURTH GATE: OPEN, FITH GATE: OPEN, SIXTH GATE: OPEN" gai yelled while he was surging with chakra.

"Shit" Jan said before removing a chakra suppressor or two and ditching his weights. And the tachi disappeared.

Gai rushed at him with a flying roundhouse kick aimed for his head.

But he was blasted in the air by a vicious upper cut that probably broke his jaw. Before being kicked around like a pinball in the air. To finish it up he was punched with a super enhanced fist into the ground making a very deep crater.

Kakashi just surrendered like a coward.

"RIGHT WHO'S NEXT" Jan yelled.

"Um 3 anbu" the 3rd said amazed at the display of raw power. "But there will be a 30 minute break for you to rest a bit".

"AW BUT IM READY TO GO NOW" Jan yelled pulling a really long katana that was half blue and half red and was double edged.

Review please I need reviews to survive.


	5. Chapter 5

"Next match three anbu" The hokage said.

"YEAH TIME FOR SOME FUN" Jan yelled brandishing a war hammer.

The three anbu were cat, bear, and hawk. Cat had a sword.

"Well then lets start" Jan said.

"BEGIN" the ref yelled before bear rushed forward for taijutsu.

"Man your slow" Jan said from the other side of the arena. "Right well I'll just be over here for when you want to start feel free to attack all at once".

Cat was the next to attack with her sword. This wasn't smart since Jan had a giant war hammer which was very big and nearly polymerized her when it barely missed her.

"Right big hammer not fun to get hit with, just to let you know" Jan told her while imitating a seven year old playing whack a mole except he was trying to smash a cat.

"Um you're not supposed to kill your opponent" the ref said from his hiding spot.

"Fine" Jan said before taking out a giant boomerang. That was bladed. And quite big as well… how was that better than the hammer.

Jan chucked the thing around like a psycho and didn't cut himself some how.

"RAWR" Jan yelled before smashing bear with a fist to the head coming from nowhere. Before there were twenty of him nine with boomerangs the rest bare handed.

"KAITEN" bear yelled revealing he was a hyugga and only just blocking five boomerangs with it.

"RASENGAN" Jan yelled slicing through the kaiten like it was butter. And launching bear into another wall.

"One down two to go" Jan said before taking out big wolf headed gauntlets (an: think god of war 3 lion gauntlets just with wolf head instead of lions).

The gauntlets even shot of the wrist to. And Jan was spinning around like crazy smashing the other cat with one, and launching her into a wall.

"Katon: endan" hawk said shooting a fireball.

"Suijinheki" Jan said before blowing out a water stream to block the fireball. "Suishouha" Jan said making a large amount of water materialize from nowhere and launching it at hawk.

Hawk unfortunately didn't have time to blast it with a fire jutsu. And was smashed into a clone's fist breaking some ribs and knocking him out.

"What's the world coming to" Jan said. "One genin, two chunin, two jonin, and three anbu out of all of them the genin and gai did the best" Jan said shaking his hands out in the air. "Peace really does make you weak naruto probably could do this with ease, maybe at only half his full power".

"The dobe couldn't do that even with help" sasuke said to no one.

"So then what's my rank old guy" Jan said yawning.

"Um you can just use your old one I guess" The 3rd said.

"Ugh so I pretty much just smashed the shit out of these guys for no reason is what you're saying" Jan asked.

"Um well no" the 3rd said.

"Couldn't you have just thrown jiraya down here so I can kick his ass he at least would have put up a fight not much but still" Jan said ignoring jiraya's glare.

"We could but only if he volunteers to" the 3rd said.

"I volunteer" jiraya said jumping into the ring cracking his knuckles.

"Right let's fight" Jan said pulling out a… Banana?

"What are you gonna do with that" jiraya asked.

"Eat it" Jan said before peeling it and biting it. "What'd ya think I was gonna turn it into some really huge sword thing to fight you with I'm not much of an alchemist but even I know it can't be done".

"BEGIN" the ref said.

Jan finished his banana and dodged a punch from jiraya. And a kick, punch, kick, stab, rasengan, fireball, you get the picture right.

"You know for a sannin you're really slow" Jan said before jumping over a kick.

Jan vanished and suddenly jiraya was a ragdoll flying around the arena.

"I'll say one thing the pervert sure can take a punch" Jan said watching his clone do work. While he ate another banana were did those come from we'll never know.

"Hari Jizou" jiraya said covering himself in hair spikes to kill the clone.

"Congrats you killed one clone after being used as a pinball" Jan said clapping.

"Kuchiyose no jutsu" jiraya said summoning to toads fukasaku and shima.

"What now" shima said.

"I need you to gather nature chakra for me" jiraya said.

"To fight who" fukasaku asked.

"ME" Jan yelled waving his arms and jumping up and down.

"Him he looks like an idiot" shima said.

"Yes well a very strong idiot" jiraya said.

"Fine" the two toads said before hopping on to his shoulders.

"Oh he's going into sennin moodo" Jan said before forming a very big rasengan and rushing at jiraya with it. "OODAMA RASENGAN" Jan yelled thrusting the super sized rasengan into jiraya before he was fully in sennin mode.

Jiraya wasn't lucky enough to even be able to try and block bad for him. And normally a rasengan is only hitting the target for about one second but since Jan was running after him with the rasengan still hitting him before it drilled him into the wall crushing bones.

The toads ditched after the rasengan hit jiraya.

"Ah it feels good to put an ego maniac in his place with clones" Jan said… falling away from the tree. "Really not even a sennin so much as actually hit the real me sad really" Jan said. "So anyone else wanna give it a shot" Jan asked.

No one so much as even moved.

"Aw come on I need a challenge at least I mean really this was just a warm up if anything" Jan said.

"The matches are over we don't need you hospitalizing other ninja of konoha" the 3rd said from his seat.

"Fine" Jan said kicking the ground in a sad way.

Later

"RAWR" Jan yelled before tackling naruto and pinning him face down into the ground.

"I give let me up" naruto said.

"Fine" Jan said letting him up. "Now then next lesson is based on gai's dynamic entry, you see to do this he makes a distraction before flying in and kicking his opponent in the face" Jan explained. "That is what I do when I yell rawr before smashing people with my attacks or when I say something stupid that makes them pause for at least three seconds" Jan explained.

That was when sasuke made his entrance being an ass and all he expected to be treated like a god not completely ignored by the so called dobe and the idiot that taught him.

Jan knew he was there he was an idiot with not trying to cover his chakra up sure it was small compared to naruto, or hinata, or just about any other genin.

Being ignored infuriated the uchia.

It was funny for naruto to see the constipated face he made when he was upset or mad.

Jan knew what he was going to say.

"No" Jan said not even looking at him.

"What" sasuke said.

"I said no" Jan said. "As in I'm not going to train your pompous lazy ass".

"How dare you I am an Uchia elite you will train me" sasuke said.

"No I wont and because I wont your gonna go home pout in your corner and cry like a bitch so leave before I kick you across konoha" Jan said still not looking at him.

"Why do you train that dobe then" sasuke asked getting madder by the second.

"Because he works hard and I owe his parents a debt plus there never a dull moment when I train him especially when hinata's here that is just comedy gold" Jan said still not looking at the bratty emo. "And for an emo you're very annoying".

"You will train me I'll tell the council and they'll make you" sasuke said.

"Oh me and them already discussed that and if you do well lets just say the uchia clan will be gone forever but that'll be a good thing no more snobs who steal other peoples jutsus" Jan said finally looking at the boy only to glare at him. "So I'd advise you to go home and cry your eyes out".

Sasuke fumed away. He was a UCHIA if he wanted something he would get it.

"So anyways back to the" Jan started to say before sensing that a tree was about to smash him into dirt jumped away before running away from a tree wielding tayuya. "WHATEVER IT WAS I SWEAR I HAVE NO REGRETS" Jan yelled back over his shoulder before running even faster than before.

Naruto watched as tayuya hunted Jan down going faster than the speed of light possibly before Jan hit a dead end and well to graphic for a T rated story sorry.

"He's got to be one of the most balsy guys alive" naruto said before slashing a tree in half to see sasuke there with his sharingan on trying to steal jutsu. "You do know neither of us need hand signs for jutsu making you're eyes useless" naruto told the uchia before walking away to see if Jan was still alive and if he was drag him to tsunade for healing.

When naruto found Jan… Jan was busy trying to put his left arm back on.

"You really are hard to kill you know that right" naruto told him.

"Yep I know I do have a demon in me it really helps to reattach limbs" Jan said before holding his left arm next to the shoulder before silver chakra seeped in between the shoulder and arm to reattach it. "Other than that, it's a lazy bastard".

"Of course it is" naruto said. "So you don't need a medic".

"No I'm good" Jan said while stretching his arm.

"So what did you do this time" naruto asked.

"Oh when she was sleeping I put a stereo next to her and played really loud music at like three in the morning" Jan said before getting up from the ground.

"MONKEY SHIT" naruto yelled before kicking Jan in the head and running away.

"Little bastard" Jan said getting up from the ground.

Later as in like a week

"So I have to go help Team 7 with their body guarding mission" Jan said.

"Yes" tsunade said.

"I'll leave right away" Jan said before jumping out the window and jumping over the rooftops before landing at the gate.

"You leaving" the one gate keeper said while the other was sleeping.

"Yep mission" Jan said before jumping into the trees and crashing through them in something that could be called jumping.

After doing that so that he was a few miles away from konoha he jumped onto the road and got down on all fours before turning into a very big silver wolf and running straight for the land of snow.

With team 7

They were currently fighting the snow ninja that attacked them on their escort mission. They were Nadare, Fubuki, and Mizore. Mizore was a bear of a man with a mechanical hand. Fubuki has pink and wings on her armor. Nadare also had armor and a strange looking face.

Naruto was fighting Mizore

Sasuke was getting the shit beat from him by Fubuki.

And kakashi and Nadare were at a stalemate.

Naruto was getting annoyed by Mizore so much so he decided to take of the kid gloves and just pummel the guy into the ground.

"Kage bunshin no jutsu" naruto said making hundreds of clones who all made rasengas.

"Fuck" Mizore said before being blasted by one naruto into another naruto who blasted him into another one and so on.

Sasuke really wasn't doing well against his flying opponent.

Sakura who also had pink hair and was wearing snow gear was scared shitless and not really doing anything.

Kakashi was just firing the jutsu Nadare shot at him back at Nadare.

So they were losing and the snow guys were winning.

Until a really big silver wolf jumped onto the scene and attacked Nadare by biting him on the arm and flinging him into a wall of ice.

"RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" the wolf rawred. Before turning into Jan who had a massive sword out that was twice the size of the average zanbatou.

Before he flung it like a boomerang and slashed Nadare in half with it sticking it into the ice.

"Futon: Rasenshuriken BARAGE" Jan yelled the word barrage while making a Rasenshuriken and condensing it down into a smaller one and flinging it at Fubuki and kept making more and kept flinging them rapid fire till he got one of her wing causing her to fall from the sky before she was kicked across the ocean and skipped on it from a kick from one of Jan's clones.

Naruto kept rasenganing Mizore till he was smashed a few feet into a block of ice most likely dead.

"That's how it's done" Jan said to kakashi who covered his sharingan up.

"Why are you here" kakashi asked.

"Back up kind of obvious" Jan said before walking away. "Oh and you suck at your job".

Fubuki being the only one not either in a coma or dead ran away er swam away.

"So your yukie the girl we're supposed to guard wanna explain why ninja are after your" Jan said to yukie.

I actually don't remember what any of the people from this movie arc look like so Google search pictures of them.

"So why were they after you" Jan asked after being introduced to the rest of the film crew.

"Wait how did you even get here" sakura asked.

"I turned into a wolf and ran here like that than used the water walking technique to go on the water, then I started kicking ass" Jan explained.

"How did you turn into a wolf" sakura asked.

"A very complicated concept that only the most brilliant of minds could even fathom" Jan said before surveying the glacier. "Where did that pink haired girl go?"

"Wait she's alive" naruto asked.

"Well yeah that armor saved her but just barely so she must have swum away" Jan explained still looking over the glacier.

"Wait a thought just crossed my mind" naruto said. "How old are you?"

"Um mentally like twenty-five physically I'm like fourteen" Jan said. "Why do you need to know?"

"Because that girl who always seems to destroy is around fourteen I would say so technically you're a pedophile for hitting on her" naruto explained to Jan who had a growing tick mark on his head.

"I'M NOT A PEDOPHILE YOU LITTLE BASTARD" Jan said pulling out a mallet and clocking naruto on his head with it.

Naruto quickly learned even though the mallet is small Jan hit hard. So he ran. Jan chased him. And they both were running around in a circle.

"YES YOU ARE" naruto yelled back before hiding behind kakashi.

Kakashi had the misfortune of being hit by a punch aiming for naruto. And soon learned how hard Jan really hit.

Naruto decided to say something rather important to the factor of saving his life and kakashi's as well.

"You don't believe in god, I don't believe in luck, they don't believe in us. But I believe with the enemy" naruto said.

"Fine little asshole" Jan said seeming to actually calm down from those four lines.

"How did that calm him down" sakura asked.

"I really don't know he a crazy shithead as that girl would put it and that's the simplest way to put it he is crazy but dangerous he did just run through to ninja that were jonin level" naruto said shrugging his shoulders.

"It's complicated" Jan said before using naruto's head as an arm rest.

"GET OFF ME" naruto yelled.

"But you're the perfect height for a arm rest" Jan said not really moving at all.

Um we'll just skip to later

"Ah the snow covered county mountain side of this place" Jan said which was when everyone noticed he was still wearing his normal clothes not even a bigger coat.

"Are you cold by any chance" naruto asked.

"No why I'm actually quite warm" Jan said.

"How" sakura asked.

"Very creative chakra control exercise that toke me some time to perfect by whatever" Jan said leaning against the truck's wall that they were on.

"What does that mean" sasuke asked.

"Not telling your spoiled ass" Jan said in a childish manner before sticking his tongue out at sasuke.

"I demand you tell me" sasuke said with his 'I'm better than you' voice.

"Nope I'm your superior in ever single way you aren't even in the bingo books. While I am the highest ranked ninja in it even when I was dead I was kept in it in the kumo edition to inspire other ninja to aspire to level's of greatness such as I had but I believe it was because they didn't believe I was permanently dead" Jan said pulling out a bingo book.

"See this is the newest edition of it, I was recently re-added to it after my test" Jan said before flipping through the book and stopping at a page.

It was his page in the book. It said:

Jan, last name currently unknown.

Rank SSS-rank

Specialty: Kenjutsu

Weakness: Most likely genjutsu

Strongest attack: Unknown

Weakest attack: Also unknown

Title: Demonic wolf prince

And then there was a picture.

"Wait… Last time I thought it was only double S rank" Jan said looking at the page.

"How is your last name unknown" sakura asked.

"I felt I no longer deserved the name after a failure that happened years ago so I made it so I never had one to everyone's knowledge" Jan said.

"What'd you do" naruto asked he never asked any of those questions before.

"I did something horrible and yes, it's even worse than being a lazy bastard who uses his gay eyes to steal other people's hard work" Jan said looking depressed for a little bit.

"So that's not really that big of a reason to give up your name it defines who you are without one your no one" sakura said.

"It's my job to be untraceable isn't it hide in the shadows and kill people not frontal attacks were ninja this snow guy's had the element of surprise and they ruined it they could have just killed you before you even knew you were there" Jan said before putting the book away.

"So why do you hit on that girl" naruto asked.

"Naruto" Jan said.

"Yes" naruto answered.

"Weren't you and hinata supposed to have a date today" Jan asked looking at a blinking naruto.

"FUCK" naruto yelled.

"You do know this is the second date you've missed you really aren't smart are you" Jan said as naruto went and cried in a corner. "And she might hunt you down again and beat you into dust again I mean last time was bad I mean she tore your foot off. But two in a row either her or tsunade are gonna pound you into dirt just to let you know" Jan said the last part a bit too cheerfully.

"Didn't you say you forgot something once you got here" kakashi asked Jan who also seemed to darken when he heard that.

And then joined naruto in the corner to cry about the coming pain that was insured.

And DONE.

Review if you read any chapter of the story it's nicer if you try and say a positive thing first before saying stuff you hate about the story. Oh and saying you hate my guts doesn't count as a review.

(notices people with flame throwers) oh and any flamers be were I have a fire engine.

But 10 points to anyone who guess what that thing naruto said is from.

AND you get a magic not real at all cookie so there's some real motivation.


	6. Chapter 6

Naruto and Jan were relatively safe from the two girls that bring pain and death to both of them. For now.

Sakura was busy working on chakra control for some reason. Apparently Jan told her she could make herself strong enough to smash rocks into pieces if she mastered it.

Sasuke was bitching about training and how Jan gave sakura some and not him. Jan told him to fuck off before he was sent back to konoha the express way.

Kakashi was trying to not make Jan mad for the fear of being crushed into the ground. He had good motives for wanting that.

Naruto and Jan had made a panic room thing and were hiding inside of it.

"You know metal things freeze when it's cold outside right" sakura told the panic box.

"Yeah but we have heating in here" Jan said from the hatch on the top while eating ice cream.

"Okay then" sakura said backing away from the box.

Then the truck was split in half separating the front half and the back before the panic room/ box was kicked by hinata.

Does anyone wanna guess what happens next…? No fine then.

Tayuya smashed the box into pieces with a hammer.

I'll skip the bloodshed.

Tayuya had chakra puppets that hit very hard in fact Jan was a few feet buried into a block of ice from being hit by them.

Hinata was apparently very good with not killing people when she stabbed them with weapons… That were made of chakra.

After the two girls pretty much vanished from the land of snow Jan crawled out from the ice holding his left leg.

Naruto had multiple really big holes in him.

10 minutes later.

A train came with doto on it who apparently is yukie's uncle.

A rebellion came and was almost shot up from the train's shuriken launchers.

But before the train fired a large five tailed fox came and smashed the train into pieces.

Oh and Jan and naruto were fully healed five minutes ago.

The fox turned into naruto.

"Hm you have the shape shifting down quite well just the whole power change would be good" Jan said to naruto from his point in front of the rebellion army. "Wait where'd that doto guy go".

"He must have gotten away" naruto said.

Both of them failed to notice the giant airship flying through the sky.

"Um he's in that airship" one of the men from the rebellion army said pointing at the airship.

"Oh thanks I'll handle that" Jan said before doing some hand signs. "Kuchiyose no jutsu" Jan said summoning a giant falcon.

"What is it" the falcon said.

"I need you to get me to that airship" Jan told the bird jumping onto its back.

"Fine" the falcon said before flying into the air kicking up giant gusts of wind.

Once the falcon was closing in on the airship doto decided it wasn't a good idea to let it catch up and fired some black dragons at it.

"Katon: Goukakyuu no jutsu" Jan said blasting the dragon with a giant fireball to destroy it.

"Not good" doto said from his spot at the back of the air ship.

"Futon: Tatsu no Ooshigoto" Jan said making the wind blow the airship from the sky.

Doto jumped out of the airship before it landed. And ran away. Or he would have had naruto not chased him down and launched a rasengan through his chest killing him.

The falcon landed before dispelling.

"There easy enough" Jan said walking back to the group.

"That's all it took" one of the rebellion guy said.

"Well yeah he was about low chuunin level not exactly powerful" Jan said.

"So all we had to do was hire someone to kill him basically" another one said.

"Well if you hired a one man army sure" Jan said before lying down in the snow.

1 week later.

"What do you have for now" Jan asked tsunade rather bored.

"Why do you seem like your bored" tsunade asked worried something would happen.

"What other than that perv basically kidnapped my student for a month to train him" Jan said sitting down in a chair.

"Well we have five missions all either A-ranked or B-ranked" She said.

"Boring" Jan said sounding more like sasuke then anything. "Any torture and interrogation stuff" Jan asked.

"Why" tsunade asked.

"Well if I have a month of either boring missions ore torturing people I'll chose option B" Jan said. "So is there anything."

"There is a cloud spy that no one has been able to crack" she said not fully finishing her explanation.

"I'LL TAKE" Jan yelled slamming his hand onto the desk putting cracks in it.

"Fine" she said giving him the papers.

With naruto and jiraya.

"IS THERE ANYTHING YOO HAVENT ALREADY BEEN TAUGHT" jiraya yelled frustrated since there seemed to be nothing to teach the blond boy.

"Maybe but it's not something you would know" naruto said.

"WHAT" jiraya yelled.

"How to fully master changing into foxes from one tailed ones to kyuubi and getting the appropriate power from the fox I can get up to 5 like that but that's it and since I'm stuck here with you it's gonna be impossible because you don't know how to do it" naruto told jiraya getting madder now that he wouldn't learn anything for a month. "AND YOU PULLED ME OUT FROM KONOHA WHEN I WAS GOING TO MY DATE NOW I'M GONNA HAVE THE SHIT BEAT FROM ME TO".

With Jan at the T&I center.

"You're here to interrogate the cloud spy" the guy at the counter asked.

"Yep" Jan said.

"Fine third door on the left" he said going back to doing whatever.

"So you're the spy" Jan said looking at the cloud spy. "May I have your name or no?"

"Fuck off" the guy said.

"I would but this is my job now and I'm very creative with my methods so if you don't crack within thirty minutes I'll pull out the heavy artillery" Jan said before sitting in a chair in front of the spy.

"Fuck you I'll never talk" the spy said.

"Ah but you just did" Jan said.

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did and you just did it again to but now the first thing I'll use is bubbles the monkey" Jan said unsealing a stuffed monkey.

"What will that do be cute till I crack" the guy laughed.

"No you see bubbles is very dangerous as am I, I'm sure you remember me after all my last visit to kumo I did take out quite a lot of your ninja while I was drunk" Jan said before unsealing a metal ball on a stick and putting it in bubbles hand.

Bubbles then came to life and became donkey Kong sized.

"No you're supposed to be dead" the man said scared.

"Eh dead, alive who care but you see I don't appreciate it when people try and kidnap one of my students which is what I'm betting was your goal" Jan said as bubbles took a step forward.

"No it was to kidnap a recently disowned hyugga" the man said.

"Who is my student now if bubbles doesn't get you to reveal all of the information I need in thirty minutes I'll bring out something worse" Jan said before making some tea and sitting down in his chair to drink it.

While bubbles attack the man with the weapon for awhile before he cracked and started talking while Jan had a voice recorder recording what the man said.

"If any of this is fake we'll be seeing each other again" Jan said before leaving the man on the ground.

With naruto

"Well at least hinata hasn't found me yet" naruto said looking at the sky him and jiraya had spared earlier and he had won by using Oiroke no jutsu to incapacitate the has been sannin.

Who was still in the rock he was blasted into by the rasengan launched by naruto.

Naruto wasn't any where as strong as his teacher but he was still very powerful.

"RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" came a very loud yell from the forest before a tree was launched at him.

"FUCK" naruto yelled dodging the tree before running away.

Unfortunately for him hinata had a chakra bow and arrow at the ready and pinned him to a tree with it.

Dammit she was strong when she was mad.

With Jan.

Jan was sent to go try and fine stuff from the remains of the whirlpool village.

Which wasn't near an ocean but in a valley and somehow was built inside a whirlpool the formed where to rivers met.

"Man this place is cool" Jan said going towards the entrance.

Before sharks jumped from the water to try and kill him. Those were joined by wooden bird things.

"When I get back I need to find something out. HOW DID THESE GUYS ALL DIE" Jan was good at making traps he believe he was great at it.

This place made his best trap seem like shit.

With naruto.

Hinata decided to stay with naruto and they were sparring before some bombs hit the clearing in the form of birds.

"Behold the powers of my art" the male form of ino said or better known as deidara said from on top of a clay bird with a cloak that had red clouds on it. "Come with me Kyuubi jinchuuriki."

What he didn't realize was that hinata knew who he was and that he wanted naruto.

As far as hinata was concerned naruto was hers and he couldn't have him.

Poor bastard never saw the javelins with super explosive's on them hit him before blowing him out of the sky.

"Remind me never to make her mad" jiraya told naruto who only nodded.

With Jan.

"HOW THE HELL DID THESE GUYS DIE" Jan yelled dodging another giant's foot.

Animated stone monsters.

DAMMIT THOSE GUY WERE GENIUSES.

Not even mentioning the lava shooting hallway or the bear trap room that SHOT the things.

Especially not mentioning the room full of chakra responding seals that launched ten foot swords at him.

Then the giant stone monsters that is activated when you use chakra and are pretty much invincible.

Oh and the dragons that are summoned there when the statues are activated, can't forget about those things can we.

He was tempted to just go all giant wolf monster and destroy the whole village.

But he had to retrieve stuff from the Uzumaki clan estate for naruto and some seals for the village.

Hell he had clones copying seals all over the place before they died.

"EAT THIS KITSUUNE FIST" Jan yelled punching one of the giants in the head with a fist covered in chakra shaped like a foxes head blowing the things head into pieces.

"YEAH FINALLY" Jan yelled in victory after finally killing those monsters he did copy the seal of one before he killed it.

And that let the dragons find him and made a statue shaped like a lion attack him that was twice the size of a house.

"DAMMIT" Jan yelled before running away and leaving the village on that side. "Okay so the Uzumaki estate is on the other side so if I go around the village to the side it's on it'll halve the time" Jan said before running on the whirlpool to get to the other side.

With naruto

"Man this is boring" naruto said having just tied up jiraya for the tenth time that month using a really useful genjutsu.

Hinata had already showed him how to make a super explosive note that really turned into a blob thing after chakra is added.

"Did you practice elemental manipulation to a better degree" hinata asked also having tied up jiraya quite a lot.

"I tried but the splitting a waterfall method is to easy now" naruto said now sitting next to hinata and hugging her.

"What do you think Jan's doing" hinata asked.

"Something really stupid" naruto answered.

With Jan.

"EAT IT YOU STUPID HELLHOLE" Jan yelled having finally beaten the place and gotten everything he needed from it.

With naruto.

"Define stupid" hinata said.

"Probably telling a village to eat it" naruto answered.

Damn he's good.

Konoha.

"So you're saying the ENTIRE place was booby trapped" tsunade said.

"Yes but tell me HOW DID THEY ALL DIE" Jan yelled his question.

"Three ninja villages worked together to kill them" tsunade told him.

"I need to asked them how they got past those damn dragons, AND those statues and the lava hallway" Jan said.

"So did you get all those trap seal" tsunade asked.

"Yep even the animation seal for the stone monsters" Jan said handing her A LOT of scrolls. "And the stuff for naruto".

"Good him, jiraya and hinata are coming back tomorrow" she said.

"FINALLY" Jan yelled.

Finish.

I got the idea for the one trap in the whirlpool village from a story I read.

But you know review and say if what you think.

If you think I suck tell me.

If you think I'm a good writer PLEASE tell me.


	7. Chapter 7

Naruto's entrance to konoha was very uneventful really nothing cool like a tornado rolling in and just before it hit the gate it dissipates and bam naruto and hinata are there.

But no they just walked there.

Killjoys.

Sooo Jan decided to roll in with a tornado instead and scare the guards.

"You must love your job" Jan told the one still concise.

"Don't torture the guards will you" naruto told him walking in carrying hinata on his back.

"So that's where hinata was this month" Jan said before seeing hinata was awake. "Um why are you carrying her?"

"Because I missed three dates now so this is my punishment" naruto told him.

"Ah well then fifty laps around the village while carrying hinata and with your weights doubled" Jan said to him before making a hand sign and making naruto's weights double.

"Asshole" naruto said before starting.

"And you have to walk on the wall" Jan said before he was more than ten feet away.

"DAMMIT" naruto yelled before climbing the wall.

"So that's how you train him" jiraya asked.

"Well yeah he's lucky hinata doesn't weight much really besides this is just the begging of his week of hell" Jan said before walking away to find gai and lee.

Didn't take long to follow the screams.

"YO GAI" Jan yelled getting his attention.

"YES MY ETERNAL RIVAL" gai yelled back.

"Oh shit" Jan thought. "I was thinking we have a competition between our students."

"THAT IS A MOST YOUTHFUL IDEA" gai yelled. "BUT WHICH OF MY STIDENTS WILL COMPETE WITH YOUNG NARUTO-KUN."

"Oh um I was thinking all three of them" Jan said.

"Don't kid, he may have beaten me once but that was because he was lucky this time I will destroy him by myself" neji said with a glare.

"Well good morning sunshine, but no you are a taijutsu specialist, naruto has speed almost double lee's without his weights on with his weights on do to the training I decided to throw him into what you did battle against was a naruto who previously did a ten hour marathon around konoha before having to spamming jutsu for another hour and not eating and going two days without sleep" Jan explained to neji. "But I was thinking we have the competition on Friday to top of hell week of naruto's training" Jan said.

"THAT IS A MOST YOUTHFUL IDEA" lee yelled.

"Forgot how loud he was" Jan thought.

"I AGREE BUT PERHAPS HINATA SHOULD ASSIT NARUTO FOR THE BATTLE" gai yelled.

"I would have to ask her and she is getting back at naruto for missing three dates in a row now" Jan said. "So Friday at training ground 15 you'll which one it is when you find one littered with craters the size of houses" Jan said before walking away.

"Wait how did he miss three dates" ten-ten asked. She was the long range specialist of team guy. She had black/brown hair that she tied up in two buns and wore a traditional Chinese top and plain pants.

"Um it's complicated" Jan said before disappearing in a mini-tornado.

Friday of Hell week

"When he said there would be craters every where I kinda thought he was kidding" ten-ten said.

"Humph" neji grunted.

"Yo down here" Jan said from the bottom of a very deep crater.

Where hinata was throwing naruto clones around like ragdolls before blasting them with chakra beams to destroy them.

"What kinda training is this" neji asked.

"Stress relief she is quite mad and I don't want her to kill you do to her rage" Jan said before pulling hinata away from the real naruto who was about to be stabbed with hinata's rather giant sword.

"Right it will be a three on two match no killing techniques and no permanently crippling blows" Jan said dressed like a ref. "Failure to follow rules will result in disqualification."

"BEGIN" gai yelled wearing a spandex suit covered in black and white stripes.

Neji ran in for taijutsu to take down hinata.

Not fully expecting to be punched into the side of the crater due hinata knowing how to make herself twenty times as strong as normal.

Lee and naruto were going at it in super speed with ten-ten trying to hit naruto with just about every weapon ever made.

Neji seemed to be done from that hit before getting up.

"I will not be defeated by a failure again" he spat at hinata who ignored the comment and let him come in close.

Before shoving a rasengan into his midsection and blast him back into the crater wall knocking him out.

Lee was fairing better since he had managed to hit naruto ten times. While naruto hit him about thirty time.

Lee ditched his weights before going in even faster to try and take naruto down before being blindsided by hinata's right foot.

And smashed into a wall.

Lee could take hard hits better than neji so he got up faster and went after hinata only to be knocked back from a chakra burst from her.

Ten-ten was dealing with a katan wielding naruto in a kenjutsu fight with naruto pretty much dominating.

"YEAH DO WORK CLONE ME" naruto yelled from the side of the arena.

With hinata sitting next to him.

Lee and ten-ten looked at the two before looking at the clones and back at them again.

"We've been fighting clones" ten-ten asked.

"Well yeah we can make our kage bunshins take upwards to a thousand hits before dispersing" naruto said before his clone blew up and knocked ten-ten out.

Lee faired better still and smashed his clone into the crater edge.

Before hundreds of hinatas and narutos attacked.

He got five of them before the smashed him into the wall.

"Well that was one sided don't ya say" Jan asked gai.

"The two of them beat my whole team with basically clones and taijutsu" gai said to stunned to yell.

"Well yeah if I had to guess at their levels I would say high chunin to low jonin when the have the suppressors and weights on" Jan said.

"What but their both genin still" gai said.

"Well yeah hinata lost in the first round and the council bribed the judges not to promote naruto only shikamaru got promoted really that last ass kid" Jan said before remembering something. "Your student lee can't mold chakra right?"

"Yes why" gai asked.

"Well I might be able to fix that" Jan said.

An hour later

All of team gai was awake and Jan told lee his plan

"Your going to blast super high amounts of chakra into my coils to repair them before blasting all of my chakra points with chakra" lee said.

"Pretty much either it'll fix you or let you blast chakra around like hinata does with all the chakra you would create" Jan said. "So either way it's a win-win."

"Isn't that dangerous" ten-ten asked.

"Now it would be to people who didn't have a lot of chakra to jump start his systems but me and naruto should be able to do with only two suppressors removed" Jan said before taking off two suppressor seals that were on him.

Before naruto did the same thing with two of his.

Before both of their chakras skyrocketed.

"Okay now it might sting a bit" Jan told lee before putting his hand on lee's stomach area.

Naruto also did that.

"Chakra transfer" the two said together before pumping lee full of chakra with enough to out shine most kages.

"AHHHHHHHHHH" lee yelled once the chakra entered him.

After five minutes of that the two removed their hands and lee fell down unconscious.

"Now when he wakes up we'll have to teach him some jutsu and quite a lot to get him up to speed luckily I have the perfect thing to do with a memory based jutsu that will basically show him a few jutsu at a time from varying levels and it will take a country load of hard work to get half way through it" Jan said.

"That's where lee specializes" ten-ten said.

"Yeah I know" Jan said.

"So who wants to learn how to turn dirt into metal objects" Jan said after a few minutes of awkward silence.

"I do" ten-ten said.

"Okay what about you tall dark and moody" Jan said to neji.

"Why would I need to know such a pointless skill" neji said.

"Because some weapons can have chakra pathways and with those you can extend you gentle fist through the weapons hinata does it with her sword and the chakra weapons she makes." Jan said before sitting down.

"Now you see to do this you need to push you chakra into the earth and find the metal particles in the ground and form them together to make a metal shell that you fill with other dangerous particles from the ground. Then when you hit someone with it you can deteriorate the metal and release what's inside the weapon" Jan said before pulling out a tanto from the ground before the metal fell away revealing millions of tiny metal spikes inside it.

"So that's why those things you threw at me exploded into bladed tiny balls" naruto asked.

"Yeah and it has defensive purposes as well when you make the metal form you can make a wall of it if you want to. Or make it float around you to block weapons and attacks. Hell you can make weapons that expand like a sword that's reach will increase at will or you can make it weigh more" Jan said.

"The perfect weapons" ten-ten said.

"Well yeah you make a zanbatou sword blade with this and make a handle for it you can control the blade and make it longer, thinner, wider, etc..." Jan said.

Lee woke up at that time.

"How do I know if it worked" lee asked.

"Do these hand signs and we'll see" Jan said showing him the hand signs for the Katon: Goukakyuu.

Lee did the hand signs and blasted a giant fireball from his mouth.

"YOSH MY FLAMES OF YOUTH BURN BRIGHTER THAN EVER NOW" lee yelled before hugging gai.

"Yeah um bye we have something to do somewhere else" Jan said before running away.

Somewhere else.

"SHITHEAD" tayuya yelled before nearly killing Jan with his own foot what he did was jump into her bathroom window to hide.

There's some irony huh.

"I REGRET NOTHING" was what Jan yelled before being viciously attacked by the mad red head.

With tsunade.

"Ah there's no better day to end a week than hearing that idiot yell in pain and drinking" tsunade said putting her feet on her desk and kicking back.

"I STILL REGRET NOTHIN" came the loud yell that was heard all over the village.

With jiraya

"He's gotta be the most balsy guy alive to yell that after being beat up" jiraya said hearing both yells.

With naruto and hinata

"Idiot" naruto thought before falling asleep hugging hinata.

With kakashi

"Hmm maybe I should consider training naruto and sakura now" kakashi thought.

Back with tsunade

"Ah such a good day" she thought before a paper flew in through her window.

It read: OLD HAG USE KAGE BUNSHIN FOR YOUR PAPER WORK.

Apparently that was the greatest find ever because tsunade yelled really loud.

With Jan

"Man this was a good day" He thought.

Bet you gonna ask why he thinks it was a good day huh well you'll have to guess via review if you wanna know.

This story has come from the official studios of shadie kid's mind.

Oh and beware the exterminators they aren't friendly.

And play your music louder than everyone else.

AND fight the tide every chance you get.


	8. Chapter 8

An: , this story hasn't had an update in forever sooooo for yet another all nighter I thought why not work on this.

Also if you have favorite this story, I DEMAND YOU REVIEW AS WELL

I will not lose to THAT guy again.

Now threatening rant aside, you know who you are *evil glare*, TO THE STORY.

XxX

"So what your saying is that I get to investigate rain country for suspicious stuff with THAT man, and naruto?" jan asked tsunade quizzically from the chair he was in.

"Yes if by that man you mean jiraya" tsunade said leaning back.

"Hate you" jan said walking over to the window and falling out… conveniently landing on naruto who was about to go into the tower for a mission.

"WHAT THE HELL?" naruto yelled.

"Ah yes my wonderful student how goes it?" jan asked not moving from his spot on top of naruto.

"I'LL KILL YOU" naruto yelled throwing him into a wall.

"Ah so it goes well then, pack your sit we have a mission with THAT man" jan said walking towards a random training field.

Just not a good one.

Two hours later.

"Where is he?" jiraya asked naruto from the back of his nameless toad.

"Um I think that's him, and I think that huge mass of chakra is gai" naruto said looking at two balls of pure chakra seemingly flying at each other faster than some kages.

"MORNING PEACOCK" the green ball of chakra yelled out seemingly igniting with fire.

"HAND OF BLOOD" the other ball of charka yelled taking on a red hue.

Of course to giant masses of chakra crashing into each other with techniques meant to kill isn't good to be under, or within a hundred foot radius of, erm maybe a mile would be safer.

"SEVENTH GATE OPEN" gai yelled out exploding with even more chakra.

"AW FUCK" jan yelled jumping away from an attack that left a crater in the ground.

"So wanna bet on who's gonna win?" naruto asked.

"3,000 ryo on jan" jiraya said with confidence.

"8,000 on gai" naruto said with even more confidence.

"I give I'm to lazy to actually beat you into the ground if you keep wrecking the ground on your way back at me" jan said as his chakra orb dissipated.

"MY YOUTHFUL RIVAL THIS PUTS US AT 1-1" gai shouted as he closed the gates he had open.

"Um good for you, bye now" jan said disappearing.

"WHAT THE HELL HE LOST" jiraya yelled in shock.

"Yep never bet against him being lazy" naruto said taking the money.

"Hey, I totally agree with that" jan said falling onto naruto, "can you carry me there gai hit really hard and I don't wanna walk."

"LAZY ASS" naruto said smashing his fist onto jan's head.

"Fineeeeeeeee" jan said slumping to the ground and inch worm crawling out the gate.

"Gaki where the hell did you find that guy" jiraya asked.

"No clue but I blame you" naruto said walking after jan's crawling form.

Time skip village of rain, or something close to that.

"This place is soooooo boring" jan said from under his umbrella.

"Oh get over it" naruto said walking towards a diner.

Only for said building to explode from a blast of super pressurized fire.

"Shit" naruto said jumping over the blast.

"Welcome kyuubi container, I'm kakuzu and your gonna die soon" kakuzu said walking towards the two.

"Kakuzu you look exactly the same as last time" jan said dropping his umbrella.

"YOU" kakuzu shouted in a bout of rage.

"Yes me who'd you think, sonic the hedgehog" jan said grabbing a katana from his back.

"Old friend?" naruto asked.

"Um I sorta stole his mask and sold a while ago" jan said.

"So I was just a mask" naruto said not caring.

"No you see the mask was made by his late wife" jan said rubbing the back of his head.

"Idiot" naruto said walking away.

"I'll find the perv just finish up quick" naruto said not caring.

"Okay then so how do you wanna die, ninjustsu, taijutsu, genjutsu, kenjutsu, what" jan asked grabbing the sword hilt.

Kakuzu charged him.

"Ken it is then" jan said before disappearing as kakuzu fell apart.

"To easy the old fag never was too strong I guess" jan said walking away.

"Shinra tensei" a monotone voice said from behind him.

"Fuck" jan said as he was blasted thorugh a building or two. "Now the boss comes out."

"Prepare to die silver wolf" the voice said as the smoke cleared revealing six orange haired bodies.

XxX

TO ANYONE WHO EVEN THINKS OF TRYING DON'T JUST REVIEW SAYING I'M CRAZY, I WILL NOT GET YOU DO TO CRONIC LAZINESS BUT WHATEVER.

So please review, or I'll have to cry myself to sleep again, not really but whatever.


	9. Chapter 9

An: Now I might not of done any disclaimers, who cares really, but I was tempted not to write this chapter due to the newest review the story has mainly the threat in it, but insomnia leaves little to due, really little to do you hit rock bottom after you can recite three episodes of 2 and ½ men at any given moment.

Disclaimer: If I was kishi-something I would give you all my address and let you beat the shit out of me, so yeah top that ridiculous people.

xXx

"So plan B enacts when" naruto asked jiraya as they were sitting in a café.

"When he flies through the wall to my left" jiraya as he started doing seals.

"Shinra tensei" a monotone voice said as jan was blasted through the wall just as jiraya summoned the to elder sages.

"If that's all you got then I won't have to use plan c take that uke" jan said wobbling around.

"We have a plan C?" naruto asked.

"Apparently we do" jiraya said in sage mode as the six paths came into the café.

"Right so now we blow shit up" naruto said pulling out a rather special seal.

"Yep" jiraya said rushing the deva path.

"Shinra tensei" deva said blasting jiraya away.

"Full particle collapsing" naruto said throwing a kunai with the seal on it literally tearing apart the path at the back of the group destroying its body completely.

"One out of six" naruto said with a smirk before being blown through a wall at jan.

"That's it these motherfuckers are mine" jan said, "After all they have nothing on the Rikudō."

"Wait you knew the rikudo sennin" naruto asked.

"Sorta" jan said rushing the deva path only to be blown away again. "And little fuck number one has nothing on that guy he blew the fuck out of the country wave or something."

"Okay later your gonna explain that" naruto said jumping out of the café to find jiraya.

"So pein is it I'll say this once you are a GIANT pussy" jan said dodging another wave of gravity. "The hole gravity shit stopped being cool about two hundred years ago."

"You won't stand in the way of peace" deva said blasting at jan again.

"One" jan said disappearing to normal eyes but to pein he was full on rushing the deva path, "two" he was at the deva path, "three" he smashed a rasengan into its head or tried to before being hit full force by a giant rhino.

"Okay not I good idea rushing the guy with six bodies who can see through all of them maybe I should have thought about this just a tad bit more" jan said before jumping over the rhino only to be smashed into a building by human path.

"Okay now I'm annoyed earlier I was kinda doing this for kicks and giggles but now I'm mad" jan said before smashing his hand through the the head of preta path due to it be closest. "Thousand angry sharks" jan said as sharks made of chakra came out of his body and attacked animal path who couldn't summon fast enough to kill the sharks.

"Three down" jan said as human burst from the ground and gave an uppercut hard enough to launch him in the air.

"" jan yelled out as he flew through the air.

With naruto

"So you're the kyuubi brat" hidan said with a smirk.

"And you're the guy who fucks deidara till he bleeds from his ass" naruto said pulling out his fox sword.

"I'm gonna enjoy smashing you into the ground kid I really am" hidan said before launching his scythe at naruto.

Naruto just side stepped it. "Your really weak aren't you?"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP" hidan said scythe in hand ready to cut naruto in half with it.

Naruto just threw a kunai at his heart only to see it not do anything.

"What the" naruto said before moving to the right to dodge. "What the hell are you?"

"I'm an immortal thanks to my god you can't kill me" hidan said rushing naruto.

"Wanna see if that's true" naruto said with a smirk before disappearing from hidan's sight and cutting his arm off.

"Yep your really weak" naruto said cutting off his head.

"THAT ALL YOU GOT YOU WORTHLESS PECICE OF SHIT" hidan yelled as just a head.

"Okay your really annoying" naruto said putting a special seal on his head before it completely was destroyed.

With jiraya

Hew was currently poking the dead body of zetsu who after having the toad sage fall on him in side a giant rasengan was torn in half.

Rather strange way to die really.

With jan again.

He was still falling but had picked up enough speed to be able to ignite the air around him from friction alone and now was a mass of fire and chakra aimed for the village of rain.

Pein seeing that as a problem threw deva path towards him with the human path.

"Chibaku tensei" deva said as parts of the village flew towards jan.

"Just because I'm not the rikudo doesn't mean I cant kill you" deva said with a smirk as there was now a giant orb of rocks and shit floating in the sky crushing jan.

"Quite impressive if I do say so" jan said from next to the deva path sipping some tea. "Oh and thanks for killing the asura path for me."

"What how'd you get out" deva said in shock.

"Why just a body switch technique with asura of course so now its you and human, but you are currently powerless for two minutes if rikudo's times are anything to go by of course he had juubi to give him power, you've got nothing of the sort" jan said smirking while drinking his tea. "Oh and one thing, particle collapse, bye bye" jan said as deva path was compresed and killed from the attack.

"Now just human" jan said looking down before pushing off of air somehow and moving towards where the path was last at.

With naruto

He had stumbled upon jiraya.

"Dammit man if you're a necrpheliac satisfy yourself outside of a battle dammit" naruto said walking away from a jiraya that was on the ground next to the body… I will say no more.

"WAIT ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE."

Just as human path round housed naruto at jiraya who caught him no problem.

"You alright kid" jiraya asked looking at him.

"No I just love have the shit kicked out of me by some super powered freak" naruto said as the human path tried punching jiraya, only for him to block it.

"Gotta love the power of a sage kid" jiraya said before plowing a rasengan through human path's head.

"That's six for six right" jan asked after crashing through a building a few feet away from them and making a crater in the ground.

"Good that should have been the last of the akatsuki then" jiraya said walking towards the exit of rain while naruto dragged jan along with them.

"Not today you three" someone said from behind them as black flames shoot up in front of them blocking their route.

"Shit you" jan said ready for a fight in a flash.

"So you still remember me after all those years how nice of you" the man said.

"I'll make sure you stay dead this time madara" jan said.

"Oh really well I'd like you to meet the newest member of akatsuki his name is kabuto and he has this nice technique that you should love" madara said as kabuto finished hand seals and coffins rose from the ground to reveal the 1st,2nd and 4th hokages along with the dead akatsuki members.

"Shit" jan said.

XxX

Cliff hanger, madara comes out with his trump card, and if you all want a quicker update REVIEW GODDAMMIT 1000-ISH PEOPLE READ THIS STORIES LAST CHAPTER LAS TIME I CHECKED AND ONLY ONE PERSON REIVEWED ITS IN 3 COMMUNITIES AND HAS 16 FAVORITES SO THERE SHOULD BE MORE THAN ONE REVIEW EVERTIME I UPDATE DAMMIT.

So yeah, update or else, the or else means no more updates.


	10. Chapter 10

An: to troutman, kabuto never absorbed orochimaru, I figured he always knew edo tensei since the 2nd hokage created it, the apths of pein weren' revived neither was hidan since he didn't technically die, zetsu must have some ability to be in a group of S-rank criminals so he has to be able to fight, kabuto, being near all those fights could easily get the needed dna, same for the hokages being a spy and what-not, the capitalization never seemed too important really, no one else seemed to care about it, so I figured the minor detail of that wasn't important, but if it bothers you that much I'll take the time to fix it if its that important to you since that's want you really wanted to know. And how did it take you an hour to write that review?

To Ggggg: WHAT THE FUCK DOES Fffff MEAN?

To Nice: Thanks

Now I have a total of one flame, two constructive criticisms in total of all my stories, I think.

Disclaimer: Who says I don't naruto, after all if I believe said lie enough it might one day come the truth.

Without further ado, the reason you all are on this page the story.

xXx

"Do you know who I am?" Madara asked Naruto after teleporting next to him.

"Of course I do, you wear red and black, teleport in flashes of red and black, YOU'RE SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG (If you know the story that's from, even if you don't, accept it, it really happened :P)" Naruto yelled pointing his finger at Madara.

"What, NO" Madara yelled slapping the hand away.

"Really?" Naruto asked squinting at Madara.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU" Madara yelled sweat dropping.

"YOU'RE ONE TO TALK WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THE MUTANT SWEATDROPS" Naruto yelled back.

"This is what happens when you let him watch too much day time television" Jan said watching the yell fight.

"That isn't really an excuse, day-time television doesn't exist" Jiraya said watching Naruto have a argument with probably the strongest man on the planet.

"Damn, I hoped no one would call me on that" Jan said.

"Kill them" Kabuto said with an annoyed glare after putting the edo tensei kunai's into all of the resurrected bodies' head's.

"Hey, your that guy" Jan said looking at Kabuto, not elaborating any further.

"WE'VE NEVER EVEN MET" Kabuto yelled his glare intensifying.

"Your right, Chi-chan dumped me for someone I've never even met" Jan said crying.

"WHAT THE HELL, HOW COULD YOU HAVE KILLED OROCHIMARU" Kabuto yelled at Jan.

"He dumped me for some guy that yells like a banshee apparently" Jan said walking away as if it didn't really matter that some of the strongest people alive were ready to kill him.

"Right, bye" Jiraya said grabbing Naruto and running away at speeds that put the hiraishin to shame.

With Jan

"Oh shiny thingy" Jan said picking up a three pronged kunai. "Wait, three prongs, a hiraishin seal, shit."

Just he finished saying that Minato appeared in a flash of yellow and shoved a rasengan into him blasting him into a wall.

"You were way nicer in the death god's stomach" Jan said only to be blasted with another rasengan.

When he landed and got up seeing a pronged kunai coming towards him, he deflected it causing it to go high before blasting a fireball at it as Minato teleported to it.

"One down, a lot more to go" Jan said as Itachi in susanoo form burst through a building.

"Damm-" Jan tried to say as Itachi kicked him into a building.

"That hurts" Jan said looking into his eyes.

"This is my world" Itachi said as thousands of him appeared.

"Nope, it's now mine, you didn't pay the rent" Jan said as the genjutsu faded.

Just as multiple water dragons smashed him into the ground.

"Hate you all" Jan said from the jan-shaped hole in the ground.

"Banshou tenin" a cold and angry voice said as Jan flew out of the hole.

"Chibaku Tensei" the voice of the new deva path said as Jan saw the new paths of pein.

"Right, I didn't kill the main body" Jan said before being smashed by gravity.

"That looks like it hurts" Jan said as three paths were crushed by the gravity.

"Of course you get the Human, Animal, and the reviving path" Deva said with a glare before blasting gravity at Jan.

Jan, just batted the attack aside.

"It was cute the first few times, but now you're annoying, you aren't as strong as the first wielder of those eyes, get over it he blew apart cities with that attack when he was incredibly weak, you can even destroy a city on your best day" Jan said walking away from Deva. "You're just a waste of my time currently."

"GEDOU MAZOU" Deva yelled as the giant statues chakra dragons shot at Jan.

"Mazou, twenty pounds of bacon if you kill the susanoo guy" Jan holding out said amount of bacon to a dragon.

With that the dragons went after Itachi.

"W-what" Deva said stunned by that.

"What, it did use to be a dog, a really big dog but still a dog, man did he love bacon" Jan said watching it tear out Itachi's soul.

"H-how it's a rinnengan summon" Deva said still stunned.

"And I was traveling buddy with the first ring-eye user there was, what'd you think gedou was always a statue, no he was a puppy that turned into an immortal statue that uses dragons, and is addicted to bacon" Jan said as if that made any logical sense at all.

"BULLSHIT" Deva yelled in an uncharacteristic burst of anger.

"No, he's a dog, not a bull" Jan said with a nod.

"ENOUGH OF YOU AND YOUR STUPID SHIT" Deva yelled firing a giant blast of gravity at Jan that pretty much vaporized anything it touched.

"Well at least your getting stronger" Jan said not even bothered by the hit. "But still not good enough."

"I AM A GOD OF PEACE, YOUR NOTHING" Deva yelled out in pure rage.

"Yep, that's what I am but who cares really, your nothing as well a true god could destroy this world, you can't even scratch me" Jan said walking away from Deva.

"I'LL DESTROY YOU" Deva yelled trying to do another Shinra tensei only for it to fail.

"Using that much power in one shot made your recharge time, twelve minutes no powers for you" Jan said walking away from Deva and towards a giant chakra sucking water shark.

"But none of that matters anyways right Madara, either we both die, or we both live, the second is unacceptable though" Jan said as the shark flew at him.

Jan jumped over it only to be smashed by a giant tree root into the shark.

"Not happening" Jan thought as he tore off his suppressors destroying the shark from raw chakra.

"Zukokku" Kakuzu said blasting a giant fire attack at Jan.

"Blade of infinity" Jan said covering himself in wind chakra and slashing the fire in half by charging into it.

Kakuzu not being ready with another attack was torn apart again and died as the kunai was torn from his skull.

"Who's next" Jan said as a giant clay dragon detonated on him.

"How was that for art" Deidara said with a crazy smile.

"Annoying" Jan said as his shield made from rocks dropped revealing his arms to be covered in burns.

"WELL THEN YOU'LL LOVE THIS" Deidara yelled as he put clay in his chest mouth… Leveling half of rain with that suicide attack.

"Even more annoying" Jan said coming out of the ground with even more burns.

Sasori then began attacking with ranged weapons, all of which were blocked due to his lack of weapon launcher they didn't have enough power.

"No puppets?" Jan asked looking shocked.

"He brought back my human body" Sasori said annoyed.

"Well, enjoy dying again" Jan said smashing Sasori's head destroying the kunai.

"So that's like five out of nine" Jan said counting the undead people he had killed.

As roots sprouted from the ground and held him in place as a giant water sword charged with lighting flew at him.

"Really?" Jan asked tearing out the roots and jumping to the left to dodge the sword only to be hit by a flood.

"Right, two waster masters, damn" Jan said as he was put in an electrified water prison.

"Fuck this" Jan said punching out of the prison and pulling of Kisame's arm to drop the prison.

"Now then, let's make this six" Jan said shoving an exploding note into Kisame's mouth and detonating it to kill him and destroy the kunai.

"Three more" Jan said as water speared through his legs causing him to fall over.

"Enjoy hell" the second hokage said as water spears flew at him.

"You first" Jan switching with him making him die by his own attack.

"Two more" Jan said only be dragged half way under ground and impaled by roots.

"DAMMIT" Jan yelled no longer feeling his left arm.

The first hokage ran at him with a kunai.

"I'm so not dying by some tree loving fag" Jan said summoning a sword from a seal on his neck to stop the attack and finish the first hokage off.

"One left" Jan said digging himself out as Zetsu rushed him.

Only for Jan to cut him in half.

And for him to form back together.

"What the hell" Jan said as a bunch of white half complete Zetsus came out of no where and begat to attack him.

"You can't win here" Zetsu said, er his white half said.

"Fuck you, Oh and two words, Yomi Numa" Jan said as the ground destroyed the clones and trapped the real one.

"Dammit" the black Zetsu said angry.

"Yeah that you've made me incredible mad, you will die" Jan said smashing the head completely.

"Impressive" Madara said while clapping.

"You" Jan said with a growl.

"Is that a kunai in your pocket or are you just happy to see me" Madara said with smirk hidden by his mask.

"Both actually" Jan said pulling out a kunai.

"Well then" Madara said also getting a kunai.

"Hope you're ready to die then" Madara said before disappearing from sight.

"Only if you are" Jan said also disappearing.

The two clashed, only for Madara to gain the upper hand; what with the whole he still had both arms.

The two jumped away, both forming attacks.

"HAND OF DEATH" Jan yelled as his hand became a giant deformed claw.

"Susanoo" Madara said forming a much smaller susanoo that was quicker than Itachi's giant one.

"PREPARE TO DIE" the yelled clashing attacks Madara being the one who was winning.

"CHARKA CLAW" Jan yelled out forming a second arm made from chakra to match Madara.

"You'll never be able to win here, against me" Madara said with a hidden smirk.

"Then I'll drag you to hell with me" Jan said as he stopped blocking Madara's attack, getting pierced through the heart, as he crushed Madara's head with his right arm.

Madara, seconds before being hit collapsed time around the two.

Were they were fighting nothing was left but various destroyed buildings, and dead people, ninja and civilian alike.

"Looks like were unstoppable now" Deva said with a smirk seeing the two kill each other. "I think I'll kill that blond brat first just for that man, a true god so it seems" Deva said with a mirthless laugh.

XxX

Jan and Madara killed each other, now it's pein's turn to take over.

Now before anyone has a chance to say it, when I searched zetsu it said he has mokuton.

Review please, just don't spend an hour on the review, no that important to me. Just a quick like less than one hundred word review.

Fffff, does not count as a review, don't review it, I MEAN IT.


	11. Chapter 11

An: So bored, so I'm gonna have to write, I've been reading up on pein and how he attacks and everything, and what I've learned is everything he says, is code for "I'm better than you."

Disclaimer: Now if you think I own naruto say ya, if you don't think I own it say nay.

xXx

"So this is your report, it's literally pictures, poorly drawn at that" Homura said with a sneer.

"Well, I can barely spell my name, how the hell am I supposed to write a mission report, Jiraya can spell, and write" Naruto said glare at the moving fossil.

"So from you're, um mission report, we can take that Jan died, and so did a good amount of akatsuki" Tsunade said looking over the pictures.

"Pretty much, oh and there was shadow the hedgehog" Naruto said pointing at his picture of Madara. A picture that was a perfect copy of shadow the hedgehog.

"Jiraya, who is shadow the hedgehog?" Tsunade asked looking at the picture.

"It's what Naruto calls Madara" Jiraya said. "Gaki, why'd you draw me with a toad face?"

"Because you had a toad face during the fight" Naruto said looking over the drawings.

"Can you hazard a guess of how many akatsuki members are left?" Tsunade asked.

"Well, I think there's between three and a hundred due to the revival ability one of them has" Jiraya said pointing a the drawing of Kabuto.

"So we might be ever more worse of than before is what your saying" Tsunade said sighing.

"Well we did get him" Naruto said holding Hidan's head.

"I CAN KILL YOU WITH MY TEETH YOU PIECE OF SHIT" Hidan yelled at Naruto trying to bite him.

"As you can see, he's immortal, and quite annoying" Naruto said putting the head on Tsunade's desk.

"So we have something we can use" Tsunade said looking at Hidan.

"Well we could just use the revival technique and revive strong people onto our side" Naruto said watching Hidan as he tried to kill him. (An: How come they actually didn't do that in canon?)

"We can?" Tsunade asked.

"Well yeah, the revival thing was made in konoha wasn't it" Naruto said looking at Jiraya.

"It was, but no one has tried to use it for years" Jiraya said pulling his hand away from Hidan's mouth before he was bitten.

"Well why the hell not, we'd literally be throwing a nearly unkillably army at anyone who goes to war with us" Naruto sais. (An: Seriously, why didn't they do that in canon, it seems like a really good way to end wars.)

"Well, there's a moral problem with reviving the dead like that" Jiraya said rubbing his chin.

"Moral problem, we go around killing people for money, no moral problems there, how about the merciless slaughter of civilians?" Naruto said.

"Well, you see it's" Jiraya tried to say.

"No felt like learning the damn technique, it takes years to master it" Tsuande explained.

"So, years for learning a technique that could save lives in wars by sending already dead ninjas out to fight" Naruto said before grabbing Hidan and getting up to leave. "Now then, I have a game of dodge-ball to play with Lee."

"Then why are you taking him?" Tsunade asked pointing at Hidan.

"Well his head would make a great ball to use, and he can't actually die" Naruto said leaving.

"I'm not sure if it would have been better or worse if you trained him" Tsunade said watching him leave.

"Now that depends really, since I actually had to do a lot of work recently so I wouldn't have been able to train him that much really" Jiraya said before leaving through the window.

"What's next, you gonna come back from the dead" Tsunade said looking at the fourth hokage's portrait.

"Nah, It's more my thing to come back to life to ruin the lives of people" a voice said inside Tsunade's head.

"Oh god, I need more alcohol" Tsunade said ignoring the voice she'd pinned as her paperwork gaining telekinesis.

In a rip in time.

"Checkmate, that's four thousand- four thousand" Jan said looking at Madara.

"Man, I really didn't think through bending space-time like that" Madara said looking at the board.

"Yeah, now due to you we've gained immortality, except were trapped in this rip in time, if you stopped coming back to life, I'd kill you, but now that's no fun" Jan said tearing Madara's head off only for it to fade and a new Madara to appear.

"Of all the people to be trapped with" Madara said sitting in his chair.

"Pawn forward two squares" Jan said as a pawn moved forward.

"Wanna watch the human world and see how long till another war breaks out?" Madara asked as a window appeared showing konoha.

"Eh why not, nothing else to do" Jan said looking at the window.

In Rain

"In one year we attack konoha with all of our forces" Pein said sitting on his thrown.

"Yes Nagato" Konan said walking out of the room.

"Soon, peace will cover the world, bringing a new world, with me as it's god" Pein said with a dark smile.

XxX

Did last chapter even get a review.

The answer to that is no, it didn't, so please someone, review, even if it's to tell me how much of a shitty job I'm doing, or if on some wild chance that the story is actually good.


	12. Chapter 12

An: To ziddy2343, I wrote that chapter at midnight and finished at one thirty, while I've been able to go without lots of sleep, I do need sleep if I want to get through a day without murdering someone, so that's the reason it wasn't particularly long, I need sleep if I don't wanna kill people.

Disclaimer: If I owned naruto, I would throw money at people for no reason at all every day, not a lot like twenty dollars in ones, maybe three times a day, but I don't do that so I don't own naruto.

XxX

"Hey Hinata, did you find a scroll in your room too?" Naruto asked coming holding a scroll.

"Yes, I see you also got one" Hinata said holding her own scroll.

"What's yours' say?" Naruto asked.

"Mainly instructions for training and list of teachers that would be able to help me train" Hinata said opening her door.

"Hinata, either I'm crazy or your room literally seems to be in the sky, which is it?" Naruto asked looking around the room, which very much looked like they were floating on a cloud.

"You mean you don't know how to change your room for your preferences like how mine happens to be in the sky" Hinata said waving a hand at the room.

"But, how'd you do it?" Naruto asked standing in the hall way due to fear of falling through the cloud.

"It's was in the house rules letter" Hinata said pulling out scroll from a shelf.

"Um, I don't think I got one of those" Naruto said looking at it.

"No you did, but you used it as a target" Hinata said walking out of the room.

"Oh yeah, but how do you change it?" Naruto asked following Hinata.

"You have the letter just read it" Hinata said opening the library door.

"Woah this place is huge" Naruto said looking at the giant room labeled library. "It's bigger than the konoha library, like double the size."

"Did you ever explore this place at all?" Hinata asked walking to a shelf at and grabbing a red covered book.

"Well no, but how do you change your rooms, it's easier for me to understand it by example instead of reading it" Naruto said still following her.

"About three feet to the left of the door, there's a panel open it and there will be a series of seals that modify the room, when I checked Jan's room it was a giant castle surrounded by a moat, and guarded by a dragon summon" Hinata said sitting in a chair and opening the book to read.

"So I can change the room to anything I want, no restrictions?" Naruto asked.

"No restrictions" Hinata told him.

"We'll I'm gonna go explore a bit now" Naruto said walking towards the door.

"Just down go in the basement" Hinata said not looking up.

"There's a basement?" Naruto asked looking at Hinata.

"Yes, you didn't see the door that says "Basement, No entrance" it literally right when you walk in" Hinata said with a raised eyebrow.

"Well normally every time I come here I'm too tired to really pay attention to my surrounding" Naruto said rubbing the back of his head before walking out of the room.

"That's the bathroom door" Hinata said not looking up from her book.

"But we came in from that door" Naruto said opening it, only to find a bathroom.

"No we came in through the door to your left" Hinata said still not looking up.

"Is there a map anywhere for this place?" Naruto asked.

"Third floor fifth blue door on the right" Hinata said flipping the page.

"Thanks Hinata" Naruto said walking out of the library.

In the rip in time and space (Now just known as the rip, nothing else that's all it will be called.)

"Maybe I should have labeled the place" Jan said watching Naruto through the window.

"Nah now it's funnier to watch the brat" Madara said also watching the window.

"NARUTO THAT'S THE DRAGON KEEP" Jan yelled at the screen as Naruto opened a door, only to have fire shoot at him.

"AHAHAHAHA THIS KIDS GOLD, where'd you find him, the institute for dumb asses?" Madara asked munching on some popcorn.

"Well, I was actually waiting for the child of destiny in that clearing where I meet him, and the child was about three hours late, and then Naruto showed up so I said fuck it, and took him under my wing, who knows what happened to the real child of destiny" Jan said watching Naruto duck under a flying buzz saw.

"Wait you mean he's "The rest" and not the "Child of Destiny" at all?" Madara said surprised.

"Well yeah, look at him if it weren't for Hinata the house would be in ruins by now, and I've been gone for like a day" Jan said watching the window. "If he's the CoD(Child of destiny) than were all fucked, well they're all fucked, were outside of the realm of reality so it would really affect us."

"Wow that's a shock really, so who is the prophecy child?" Madara asked.

"Um, well the funny thing I found out a recently is that the CoD actually is Hinata, not Naruto, so I guess it works out right?" Jan said laughing slightly.

"Wait that girl is supposed to save the world, how exactly" Madara asked looking at Naruto jump through a ring of fire.

"Well, she has control over Naruto, to a very big extent so I guess that's how" Jan said.

"Fuck now I owe that tree hugging piece of shit twenty ryo" Madara said annoyed.

"Um he died" Jan said.

"No he's still alive" Madara said looking at the screen.

"No I mean he actually died, it's kind of a funny story really" Jan said.

"How?" Madara asked.

"Well I might have accidently tore his heart out" Jan said with a chuckle.

"Wait, what" Madara said looking at him wide-eyed.

"Well it was dark and he snuck up on me, we were in enemy territory, so I sorta ripped his heart out on instinct" Jan said rubbing his head like Naruto.

"Man that's screwed up" Madara said looking at the screen.

"Like you can talk, you killed your brother and tore his eyes out" Jan said looking at the screen.

"Yeah, but I'm a bad guy so it's fine" Madara said nodding his head.

"Man this sucks, no matter how many times that shark bites his arm of, he keeps trying, maybe he is mentally retarded" Jan said watching Naruto.

At the konoha gate

"So how do we know you aren't here to kill us" Izumo said looking at the pale man standing in front of him.

"Because I'm here to pay back a few debts, and to try and get treatment for my disease" Kimimaro said looking at Izumo.

"And what proves your story?" Izumo asked.

"Um this sword kinda does, since only one person could have made it really" Kimimaro said pulling out a katana.

"It's just a sword" Izumo said not impressed.

"No, it's the Kaguya sword, only a full blooded Kaguya can use it" Kimimaro said pulling at the sword.

To reveal a blade as white as bone with chakra lines running all over the blade, the hilt consisted of a forearm for the cross guard and the bone that runs between the shoulder and elbow (I don't know the name of all the bones, I'm no doctor) as the hilt.

"Not that impressive" Izumo said.

"Watch then" Kimimaro said before pushing chakra into the blade as it grew into a zanbatou, before turning into a nodachi and then back into a katana. "Clearly, it's no ordinary blade."

"R-right" Izumo said as Kimimaro sheathed the sword and went into konoha.

"Now then to the hokage" Kimimaro said before shunshining to the tower.

Back with Naruto

"GODAMMIT THAT WAS THE SEVENTH BLUE DOOR" Naruto yelled slamming the door shut.

"Oh did I say blue, I meant purple" Hinata voice said in Naruto's head.

"AH HINATA'S TRAPPPED IN MY HEAD" Naruto shouted running into a wall.

"No, the house's seal let people talk telepathically no matter where they are in the house" Hinata's voice said.

"Oh really, wow what can't this house do?" Naruto asked.

"Well it can't shrink in size to move around easier" Hinata"s voice said. "Actually it can, my bad."

"So there's really nothing it can't do, what about turn into a giant house robot to fight?" Naruto asked.

"Of course it can do that" Hinata's voice said.

"Well then to the map room" Naruto said walking to a red door and opening it.

"Your still on the second floor, map room's on the third floor" Hinata's voice said.

"Right" Naruto said walking to the map room.

Hokage tower

"I don't care if there's a meeting I have to see the hokage" Kimimaro said losing his patience rather quickly.

"You can't see the hokage right now, unless your kami, you aren't getting in there" the secretary said.

"To bad" Kimimaro said walking to the door, and kicking it off its hinges.

And seeing the surprised faces of Homura, Koharu, and Danzou.

"I apologize for breaking your door, but your secretary annoyed me" Kimimaro said looking at Tsunade.

"Ah yes Kimimaro, Your message said you'd be here tomorrow" Tsunade said.

"Well, I arrived here ahead of schedule as you can see" Kimimaro said.

"Who do you think you are barging in here without permission, and interrupting our meeting" Koharu said with a glare.

"He is Kimimaro Kaguya the last Kaguya, and he does have an appointment, he's just early, so you three must leave as we have our discussion" Tsunade said looking at the three.

"Fine, but we will settle this matter" Danzou said glaring with his one eye.

And with that the three elders left.

"I see that you seem to be having fun with your job" Kimimaro said looking at the giant stacks of paper work.

"Yes well, I've meet the only enemy I can't kill with a punch to the face, or by throwing tree's at it" Tsunade said glaring at the paper.

"Oh Tsunade you wound me so" the voice in her head that was her paper work talking.

"Right" Kimimaro said sitting in a chair.

"Now then as your letter said you wish to join konoha to restart your clan" Tsunade said.

"Yes I do" Kimimaro said.

"Well due to you being the last of your clan, you fall under a law called the CRA" Tsunade said.

"Yes I know, which was one of the issues I had with deciding to come here in the first place" Kimimaro said.

"Really, you have a problem with getting to have your own harem, that requires you have a minimum of six wives" Tsuande said with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, you see, it's kind of like this, the CRA requires you have six wives, that you pick by the age of six-teen, if you don't the council will pick your wives, I am turning six-teen in two weeks, and only know two girls, one of which is forty and the other is five" Kimimaro said.

"Ah, I figured you were just gay" Tsunade said with a shrug.

"And also my disease will make raising a family rather hard for me to do since it will kill me in a year's time, if I don't overexert myself" Kimimaro said.

"You're talking to the greatest medic alive, you're disease is as good as finished" Tsunade said.

"And also I'd like to ask about an old family friend" Kimimaro said.

"Really, I didn't think your clan would know anyone from konoha" Tsunade said.

"He's a very old family friend" Kimimaro said emphasizing the very.

"Who?" Tsunade asked.

"You know him, actually, nearly everyone knows him probably" Kimimaro said.

"You mean Jan" Tsunade said. "Well he actually died recently."

"Yes I actually heard about the battle in rain, I just guessed it was a rumor, since he did nearly destroy kumo in a day" Kimimaro said looking out the window.

"Well it was actually more like two hours" Tsunade said.

"Even better, so you understand why I doubted that he died" Kimimaro said.

"Yeah, but how do you even know if he interacted with your family at all?" Tsunade asked.

"Well, the treasure of the Kaguya should answer that" Kimimaro said unsheathing the sword.

"Yes this is his work, only he has access to this material, it conducts chakra better than some ninja" Tsunade said examining the sword.

"Yes, he truly was a genius with making weapons" Kimimaro said.

"Yeah that was his limit really, he tended to be an idiot" Tsunade said.

"Yes well, I guess that means he isn't using his house" Kimimaro asked.

"No, but his two pupil's are, and me, Jiraya, Shizune, and that Tayuya girl" Tsunade said.

"Really, I thought she died" Kimimaro mused.

"But since there's nowhere else for you to stay you can use one of the rooms there" Tsunade said writing a letter. "Here give this to Naruto, he's blond and has three whisker marks on his face, hard to miss."

"Thanks, hokage-sama" Kimimaro said.

"No, thank you, now I only have to pretend to work for another hour or so" Tsunade said with a smile.

"Right" Kimimaro said walking out of the office through the destroyed door.

In the rip

"So got any two's" Jan asked.

"DAMMIT" Madara yelled throwing his whole hand at Jan.

"Wanna play again?" Jan asked.

"YOU CHEAT" Madara yelled throwing the table they were playing on to the side.

"No, you just suck" Jan said making a cup of tea appear. "Now then, if gonna ride velociraptors with Chuck Norris."

"I'm coming to, it's so boring" Madara said as the rip turned into a jungle with raptors and Chuck Norris.

Yeah, this is really happening.

With Naruto

"THERE'S A MEDICAL ROOM" Naruto yelled furious, remembering all the times Jan had treated him in his room, involving a rusted saw and dirty needles, and other horrible medical tools.

"Yeah, Tsunade made" Hinata said through the link. "And Check who's at the door they've been knocking on it for like twenty minutes."

"Okay" Naruto said running to the front door.

At the door

"Hello" Naruto said to Kimimaro.

"Yes I'm assuming your Naruto, am I correct?" Kimimaro asked.

"Yep, why?" Naruto asked.

"Read this" Kimimaro said giving Naruto Tsunade's letter.

Twenty minutes later

"How bad of a reader are you" Kimimaro asked, the letter was half a page long, and he had taken twenty minutes, and he still wasn't finished.

"Done" Naruto said looking up.

"Right" Kimimaro said.

"Well, I apparently don't know where anything is so I'll get Hinata and ask her if there are any open rooms" Naruto said heading to the library with Kimimaro following him.

The library

"Hey Hinata" Naruto said walking into the library with Kimimaro.

"Yes blue door that's two down from mine should be empty" Hinata said still reading.

"Aren't you going to introduce yourself to Kimimaro?" Naruto asked.

"My names Hinata, knock on my door before entering, the blue door on the second floor is the dragon summons keep so stay away from it" Hinata said looking up.

"I'm Kimimaro" Kimimaro said.

"Yes, I know" Hinata said reading her book again.

"Is she always like this?" Kimimaro asked.

"No, she's just has some odd mood swings every now and again" Naruto said. "Follow me and I'll show you to your room."

In the rip

"So exactly how do we assemble this desk?" Madara asked.

"No clue, I don't read Swedish" Jan said looking at the instructions.

"Allow me to help" Chuck said looking at the instructions. "Let me try this."

Chuck then kicked the materials and they somehow formed into the desk.

"Damn, I can only assemble bird houses like that" Jan said looking at the desk.

"Well let's start this now" Madara said as they all got behind a blast shield.

"NUKE'EM" Jan yelled as a nuke hit the desk.

They all were unharmed from the nuke.

"So now what" Madara asked.

"Go fish?" Jan said holding out a deck.

"Fuck it why not" Madara said shuffling the deck.

xXx

THERE, it took me about an hour and a half to get this right, happy ziddy2343 I made as long as I could, and now I need to sleep, or else I will go crazy and kill things soon once the mirages start.

You really don't wanna know.

So remember, be good and make sure your gremlin doesn't eat after midnight, or get wet, or else we all die, before the sun comes up anyways.

Oh and if you don't review, I'll send my army of gremlins that have eaten after midnight after you, so please review, I'd like more than one review per chapter, it lets me know if I'm doing something wrong, so please, even if it's just telling me to shoot myself in the head, it's still a review, and besides, it's the thought that counts.


	13. Chapter 13

At Ziddy2343: You call that crazy, I call it what spawns from my thoughts when I look to deep into them. You see my minds similar to an abyss, very big, possible endless, except every inch of it is filled with a thought, what I don't know unless I wanna check, sometimes, it's rather scary what I find, sometimes it's amazing, other times, it's what happened in the rip. But it used to be better, but when you write multiple fanfictions, while reading books, doing schoolwork, listening to music, and playing video games for no apparent reason, your mind is pretty much becomes an abyss filled with stuff. So that's where the events from the rip came from. Same for the house, and a paper I wrote in fourth grade. Only thing I got an A on that year.

Youngkong313: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU LAUGHING, what part of naruto being utterly lost in a house he'd live in for a yearish, or how two crazy fucks riding velociraptors with chuck Norris before dropping a nuke on an ikea desk, DID YOU FIND APPORIPATE TO LAUGH AT.

An: Yes, it did happen, we all know it in here, I would say in your heart, but that'd be utter bullshit, all the heart does is constantly pump blood, so it doesn't really know anything.

Disclaimer: FUCK ALL OF YOU, I DON'T OWN NARUTO, STOP RUBBING IT IN MASHIMOTO.

XxX 

"So Hinata, how is me sitting on these really sharp rocks training?" Naruto asked trying not to move.

"It's to train your focus, if you move the rocks will dig into you, if you remain still you'll be fine" Hinata said similarly sitting on pointy rocks.

"Right" Naruto said trying not to move.

"Oh and Hokage-sama told me to tell you that if you fail, only D-ranked missions for the rest of the month" Hinata said before staying completely still.

'Dammit, crazy old bitch' Naruto thought trying to remain still. 'Maybe this would be easier if I talked to Kyuubi.'

With that thought Naruto entered his mindscape making his body remain still.

In the mindscape

"Hey Kyuubi, I'm bored and need something to do" Naruto said walking up to the bars.

"Great, so what do you want a story or something" Kyuubi asked resting its massive head on its paws.

"That'd be nice and less boring" Naruto said looking at the Kyuubi expectantly.

"Fine, how about how chakra first became usable to humans" Kyuubi said.

"That's actually something I might need to know one day" Naruto said looking at the Kyuubi.

"You see, humans didn't always have chakra, it came from demons mating with humans, well human, since no other human could even stay in the presence of a demon, you might actually know him as the Rikudo Sennin" Kyuubi said cleaning one of its tails.

"But, didn't his rinnengan give him the use of chakra?" Naruto asked.

"Yes, but he got it, well after a rather odd three days" Kyuubi said looking down at Naruto.

"And what happened those three days?" Naruto asked.

"Well, you see demons; tire much slower than humans, much slower. And when the Sennin and the demon, no one knows what demon exactly, mated it lasted three days" Kyuubi said eyes full of mirth from looking at Naruto's face.

"Wait, THREE DAYS" Naruto yelled with wide eyes.

"Yes, and after that the demon, being pleased gave the Sennin a gift for being able to keep up through the three days" Kyuubi said smirking as much as a fox can smirk. "And from there chakra use sage was passed through his family and the family of certain people that had certain experiences with the Sennin."

"You're saying that chakra was a byproduct of a three day long sex marathon that the Rikudo Sennin had with a demon" Naruto said looking at the Kyuubi.

"Yep, that's a very good way at summing it up" Kyuubi said with a fox smirk.

"You've pretty much destroyed my beliefs in the hope of anything good existing in the world, ever" Naruto said walking away from the bars.

"Okay then, come back soon for more details on the story" the Kyuubi said with a grin.

"Hate you" Naruto said before fading from view.

"Ah, it's so much fun ruining someone's view of the world.

Real world

"Hinata" Naruto said startling the girl.

"Yes" Hinata answered.

"Fuck my life" Naruto said walking away.

"Um, why exactly" Hinata said following him.

"Blame that fox that live in my stomach, my view of the world will never be the same again" Naruto said walking away.

"I really don't wanna know what happened" Hinata said following him.

In the rip

"Wow, that has got to be the oddest thing I've ever heard" Madara said watching Ripely's Believe it or not. "Hey Jan did you know Einstein failed math?"

"It's a lie, he was a genius and probably taught the math classes at the age of twelve" Jan said reading a book.

"Really?" Madara asked.

"Yes, he did develop the theory of space time, and shit ton of other things" Jan said not looking up.

"Wow, for someone I've never heard of that must be pretty impressive, now we must meet him" Madara said conjuring up Einstein.

"He doesn't speak Japanese" Jan said still read the book.

"Really?" Madara asked.

"Guten tag herr Einstein, Ich heisse Jan, er heist Madara, er ist sehr blod" Jan said.

"Hallo Jan" Einstein said. "Wo sind wir?"

"Sind wer in der rip" Jan said turning his page.

"What's he saying?" Madara asked.

"He asked where we are, and I told him" Jan said.

"You can understand him?" Madara asked.

"Yes, now shut the hell up" Jan said before dispersing Einstein.

"Wait, you didn't ask him if he failed math or not" Madara said pouting under his mask.

"Too bad" Jan said reading his book again.

With Naruto

"So he just said 'Fuck my life' and came here" Tsunade asked watching Naruto, hey this was slightly more important the paperwork.

"Yes" Hinata said watching Naruto bang his head against the wall.

"Hm, maybe we should just leave him alone for awhile" Tsunade said walking over to a cupboard opening it and removing three bottles of sake. "Oh sorry, you want a cup?"

"Um no thanks" Hinata said watching the Hokage down three bottles of sake in under five minutes, and not seem terribly drunk.

"Hey Hinata" Kimimaro asked walking into the room. "I think Naruto is trying to smash his skull in, should I be worried?"

"Nah, he'll be fine" Tsunade said. "But how do you feel?"

"Good better than before" Kimimaro said.

"Good you're making good improvement on recovering from your disease then" Tsunade said.

"That's good news to hear" Kimimaro said getting a cup and another bottle of sake and pouring himself a glass.

"So why's shithead hitting his head against the wall (Spellcheck has nothing to say about the word shithead, that weird)?" Tayuya asked, finally appearing in a chapter after being gone for four chapter, I checked.

"Long story" Hinata said watching Tsunade and Kimimaro drink.

"Right so now what happens, we've all seemed to stop progressing with things to do really" Tayuya said looking at the drinking contest going on.

"FUCK OF" Tsunade yelled smacking Kimimaro in the face when he tried to take the sake away from her, smashing him into the wall.

"Probably a time skip, followed by a hiatus, while the author updates his other stories that he's forgotten about" Hinata said.

"So pretty much nothing" Tayuya said.

"Yep" Hinata said before leaving.

"Kimimaro, SHIT ARE YOU ALIVE" Tayuya yelled running over to kimimaro and checking his vitals to find him still alive.

"No" Kimimaro said with a blank look.

"Shut up" Tayuya said kicking him and walking away.

xXx

So yeah, a hiatus and time skip will be up before school starts, and I took down chapter eight, mainly because it wasn't actually supposed to be there.

So review, please, depending on the amount of review will change my update time and the length of the hiatus.

So please faithful readers of my story review. Or I'll send and army of gremlins after you.


	14. Chapter 14

An: Thank you fryman, the poll is still running, it is review poll though, since I still have a standing poll and am lazy, review what you want from the options, this will be a filler chapter probably. Maybe I'll do some progression to the story, but one thing, mashimoto, WHAT THE FUCK MAN, to madaras, both with rinnengan, MOTHER FUCKER.

Disclaimer: Dude if I owned Naruto, Shit like that wouldn't fly out of my ass all the time

XxX

"Naruto, get over it, shit happens, shit happens, lots of shit, and you get covered in it, then you cry in a corner for a few days, then you go take a shower wash it off and get back to work, never forgetting the feeling of being covered in shit" Tsunade said looking at Naruto curling into a ball slightly. "And then you kill anyone present at the time where you got covered in shit."

"Why did you start a story about you getting covered in shit, it doesn't relate to anything, I came here asking for a spare key since mine broke, and no one will open the door" Naruto said scared out of his mind.

"Oh right, forget anything I just said" Tsunade said.

"Forget what?"

"Good boy" Tsunade said throwing him a key before staring at the paperwork on her desk.

"Right, see you when I'm finished giving myself a concussion" Naruto said leaving.

"DAMMIT, WHERE DOES IT ALL COME FROM" Tsunade yelled throwing the desk out the window.

"Tsunade-sama, your work is here" the Secretary said wheeling in a new desk, and a metric shitload of paper work.

In the rip

"That's it, where leaving" Jan said still in a staring contest with Madara, while playing the prison knife game.

"How exactly?" Madara asked.

"You forget, I'm fucking awesome, I can do anything" Jan said taking a shot, while stabbing the knife at high speeds, and keeping the staring contest up.

"Right" Madara said disbelievingly.

"Yup" Jan said throwing the knife at the wall and pulling it down, cutting open time and space.

Leading into a new dimension.

"You could've done that months ago, and you wait till now" Madara said looking at the rip.

"Point, what is it" Jan said falling into the rift.

"Nothing really" Madara said leisure diving through the hole.

With Naruto

"Gotta find something to do" Naruto said looking at the village.

"Maybe you should try killing people on a merciless rampage" The Kyuubi said.

"Shut up you" Naruto said being bored.

"Then be less boring" Kyuubi said back. "Get in a fight, destroy a village, and kill something."

"Really, because I have the power to do that" Naruto said lying down.

"You could, you could have the power of a god, the power to control the world, create peace, and destroy your foes" Kyuubi said with a fox smirk.

"Not really, Pein could whoop my ass if we fought, he's light-years ahead of me, now I'm alone and pretty much a pussy, hiding in a village to be safe" Naruto said throwing an apple up and down before throwing it away. "Apples are rubbish, I hate them."

"Great, than why buy one hundred apples" Kyuubi said lazily scrolling through his dna.

"Because I had access to apples, I like bananas, bananas are good" Naruto said pulling a banana out of a seal.

"Eventually you'll have to fight again, and when you do, you'll need me boy, and you aren't strong enough to resist the power" Kyuubi said with a flourish of its tails.

"Great just great" Naruto said eating the banana.

"It could be a lot worse, I could be the Nibi, that crazy cat would rape you dead" Kyuubi said with a laugh.

"Great, just great" Naruto said hoping off the mountain and smashing onto the ground. "Smashing really."

"Whatever little punk" Kyuubi said.

With Jan and Madara

"Where are we?" Madara asked.

"We're in between time and space, again, but now I can unhinge space enough to get us somewhere" Jan said.

"So back home?" Madara asked.

"Hopefully" Jan said cutting open another hole pulling them into it. "But highly unlikely."

xXx

So yeah, Naruto bonds with Kyuubi and Madara and Jan leave the rip.

Now I have an idea of what I can do with them, maybe make a spin off story.

Being as bored as I am, you all get to vote. And I mean everyone one, if you have an opinion, vote, you'll make a difference.


	15. Chapter 15

ok ok ok, so like, someone said something that was intended to be nice and helpful and good, and that's good, and refreshing you know, but unfortunately i really don't care, i'm not sure why i'm updating this, or even why i'm still alive, but hey, fanfiction

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"NARUTO UZUMAKI YOU LITTLE SHIT GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE" Kakashi said throwing said little shit out a window.

"TIS BETTER TO BE ME THAN YOU" Naruto yelled flying out the window.

Naruto looked up from where he had fallen, ah the streets of Konoha not much changed in three years, well, there were more people, probably from the lack of a war to kill them.

"Killlllllllllllllllllllllllllll theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeem" the Kyuubi said in his head.

'Nah' Naruto thought back to it.

"Over population is a problem only you can prevent" The Kyuubi said trying to persuade Naruto.

'Thank you Kyuubi the demon fox, trying to make the world a better place' Naruto said back sarcastically.

Naruto hopped up a building to get to the roofs, the fastest mode of transportation in the known world.

Well next to being punched away.

10/10 perverted ninja do in fact recommend having the Hokage punch you really hard as the fastest form of transportation.

But hey, this is just another day in the life, the life of Naruto Uzumaki


End file.
